when to give up on T..?

[orek]

Huh, I thought we had weighed in on this before, but I don't see anything. So quick reply here for now:

It sounds to me as if you just don't have a good therapy fit. If she lets you talk about mundane things week after week for four years, then there's just no "there there" for that therapy, imo. We find we have a stubborn belief in the power of therapy (probably because our very first one was great, but we had to move after just a few months -- or was it a year? -- with her). And we've tried many times and had okay Ts, harmful Ts, and ineffective ones. Our current one is a tremendous trauma therapist, and we have gone further and deeper with her than we ever have before. It's not just talking about certain things, though that, too. The relationship itself is reparative and fixes some deep emotional relational issues, all within the safe structure of the therapy holding environment. Shite, this sounds like a textbook.

The long and short: we've changed and healed some deep emotional stuff from that relationship and have been able to incorporate a lot of her attitude dealings, connection with me/us, which allows me to start turning that same stuff inward, nurturing ourselves. Also, she's been a witness to lots of insider pain and secrets and horror, which freed them from their private hell of unshared pain and fear of judgment. It took a long time to develop the trust and safety--insiders didn't come out directly in therapy till after three years and we've been with her seven now--but she knows what she's doing and has long experience with PTSD (which, imo, is more important than lots of DID experience, provided she's open to it and understand it, which she is and does, because I had a "DID expert" who was too fascinated with the disorder and felt too "important" treating it, which basically made us sicker, not better.) She's retiring in a year, which is throwing us for a loop, but we've come far with her (just not to the other side of the gauntlet and probably can't in a year).

Okay, this is long enough. Long/short: not working, not worth it, imo. You'll know when it's working. Don't assume you're doing something wrong. Maybe she is. Or maybe it''s just not a good fit. Whatever it is, I can hear your frustration and maybe discouragement, and I'm sorry it's not working better and is so hard. Again, don't beat yourself up. Take care--orek