Not Feeling Very Communicative

[MakersDozn]

(09-04-2012, 08:17 PM)Dreamscapes Collectives Wrote: In this thread, do you want to try just talking in general, or actually talking about the issues you guys are facing?

understanding,
a LOT of us

Good question. But first, thanks for letting us know that you understand.

We think that it would be more helpful to us to talk about specific issues than it would be to talk in general. The question is: How specific can we get without triggering a negative reaction in someone inside, a reaction that would cause us to shut down again?

A lot of what stalls us involves a sense of hopelessness based upon having experienced a lifetime of hurts that we've repressed. We stuff so much just to get through life, but eventually stuffing the hurt ends up biting us in the backside.

Since we've been in therapy for so long, we've peeled away many layers of the provebial onion, and we're getting to the hard stuff that lies beneath. One core issue that we've found is that the reality of who we are as individuals is very different from how we set out perceiving ourselves. And likewise, the reality of how our life has turned out is very different from the "Brady Bunch" idealism that we envisioned.

We should say that it's the bigs who are experiencing the pain that we're talking about. Three out of our five bigs are in a very difficult place from which it seems nearly impossible to move forward. And they would rather choose the misery they know over the uncertainty of moving forward.

(The other two bigs are in a calmer place, but are not leaders by nature, so they can't be counted on to take the initiative in making things better.)

Some of the feelings that come up are anger, sadness, shame, and fear. Much of these emotions are rooted in unresolved pre-verbal traumas. These preverbal traumas have left the bigs at the place where their core emotional development was thwarted--leaving them significantly hurt at an early age. The are intellectually, psychologically, experientially adults, and they self-identify as such, but at the same time, they remain emotionally wounded young children.

Well, there you have it. We hope that talking about this doesn't put people off from responding.

Thanks,

MDs