when to give up on T..?

[Tangled Web]

(09-04-2012, 06:01 PM)nats Wrote:

(08-31-2012, 05:30 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: Looking at everything just to find an excuse to stop T.....and trust me I have found alot of them! But still I go out of habit, like you said or because I think I need to be in T......(but I am starting to realize it is true)

for me, i don't need T. I can cope with everything in daily life I need to. the stuff i can't cope with doesn't exist for me so i can ignore it. the others need some help and maybe even support but they have decided it is a waste of time trying to communicate.

I can cope with everything in daily life also and don't need T to do that. My T is always telling me that I function very well and I know I do......but it doesn't mean I am happy. I can ignor things to and do so ALL the time. Do the others not feel heard? Is that why they decided it is a waste of time to try and communicate?

(08-31-2012, 05:30 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: But I do believe that you need to build the trust with your T before you go deeper into things. Your T might surprise you and be there for you!

yes, she does surprise us sometimes but usually not.

(08-31-2012, 05:30 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: Maybe it would help if you made a list of what they are and take it to your T...... and ask her to help you deal with them and be straight up with them.....

yes, we did. but it still requires us to resolve them. not sure what T is supposed to do to help.

I am not sure I have the answer to this one either. I know the responsibility always comes back on us to resolve things but maybe a T is there as a guide. To witness it with you, to see and hear everything and support you through it. That is what I think maybe.....hopefully.......and to show you that this time you don't have to do it alone.

(08-31-2012, 05:30 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: I know if I keep accepting it things will NEVER change for me.......Just a thought.

Yes, and then what...? HOW do you change?

Now I continually ask this question! The best I know how to explain it or how I see it is.....you need to go through it again ONLY this time when you come out the other side the ending changes. You realize it wasn't your fault, that you can and will put the responsibility on the people who it belongs to. You grieve your losses. And when you come out of it and the ending has changed you will see the scars that remain and they will make you sad but not the sadness they once held, it will be different. As you go through your story again you will learn new things that will help make the journey easier. Everyone needs to have voice and needs to be able speak and tell their story. That is what I think on HOW to do it, if I were to put it into my own words.

(08-31-2012, 05:30 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: I need to work on myself, I need to put the time and energy into doing that and believe that things can change (which I don't think they can right now, but hoping they will) so I guess it is time to stop coasting so much and start looking at things.......I wish I knew what that would look like......

and i've realised that we have a limited amount of time/energy and if its spent on really working in T its not spent paying the mortgage and putting food on the table. Career and child come first. this is probably the key factor. we used to think we could do it all - we can, but when we do it all we don't do any of it well.

I understand and those things are very important. Career and child should come first and finding that balance on where you fit in is never easy! But you still need to fit in there somewhere.....

(08-31-2012, 05:30 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: you asked mosiac how to go deep...........I think part of it is by letting go of some of your control over everything. Just a hunch, but that is where i would start.

can you explain? not sure what we're controlling for. do you mean not censor what we say in T or something else?

What I mean is that for me in order to go deep......I have to let go of some of my control. You see I have to be focused all the time at work and in complete control of myself. I am a nurse......people trust me with their lives. So if I were to go deep I would have to go inside to look at the deep things or let someone from inside get closer to the surface that holds those things and in order to do I would have to allow that, which is giving up some of my control. I must admit I don't do this often at all......it scares me. and I end up thinking or convincing myself that why should I go looking for trouble when I know it will find me all on its own.......haven't found a way around that one yet.
But we control many many things.........it might be censoring to your T, it might be what you feel or how you feel it or don't feel it, lots and lots of things.

thanks for taking so much time to respond. feel like its giving up to stop, but feel like its wasting time to continue..

I can understand that feeling. Maybe you just need to give yourself permission to do that for right now in your life this is where you are at and it is ok. I do that when everytime I start to coast in T. I give myself permission to do it and when I start to get frustrated that I am not making any progress and I get tired of wasting my money....I ask myself....what do I really want and I want to happy, truly happy inside my core and then I look at how I can get there and what I have to do to get there......which is actually where I am at right now and I make a committment to T again. And try again with another piece or with the same piece as before.
I hope some of this was helpful.....and if not.....I am still here listening, sitting with you
Tangled