Feeling Lost

[orek]

But yet she wants me to be real in her office. And when I try to be I feel like I get this look or shut down. Like oh I guess I picked the wrong thing to talk about today. It just gets lonely you know......
[/quote]

Hmmmm, I'm afraid that does sound familiar, but not with our current T, who we do connect with and who is very experienced with trauma work. I wonder, maybe it's not you, as you're assuming? Maybe you and your T are not a good fit, even if she's a good T? Or maybe she's not a very good T with trauma work even if she's a nice one? It may not be any of those things, and maybe you'll work it out with her and be able to move on. But it sounds as if this is a chronic feeling there. Even if it's not constant, if it happens enough that you feel shut down instead of supported and drawn out, then I'd say it's not working the way it's supposed to, and I don't think you should assume it's simply down to you or something "wrong" with you.

I'm not trying to pass any kind of judgement on or criticism of your T, just want you to consider the possibility. We've stayed in many a T relationship that was either outright toxic in some way, or just not a good fit, which can be inadvertently stressful and destructive in its own way. There aren't always lots of choices for "shopping around," though. I get that. Whatever the case may be, I hope you work it out and find the support and help you all deserve and need.

Take care.