Feeling Lost

[Tangled Web]

Thanks Orek. The thing is that I have recently figured out..... and I am sorry if this is jumbled and might not make sense.....I am tired. So back to what I have recently figured out......I figured out to what to extents I have kept myself hidden and isolated from people. It is like it is engraved in me. And I have tried to learn ways to break it, but I have absolutely no idea how. It isn't as easy as just getting up and calling someone to go out. That sounds very simple, but in fact it feels impossible. And the more I try to explain why I find it so difficult the more I realize people just don't seem to get it which makes me feel even more isolated.
I had kinda a blow out with my supposedly mother and I talked to my T about it and she acted like it was no big deal. Then the next time I saw my T I talked to her about her not thinking it was big deal and I thought she was getting it and then poof she opened up her mouth and the stupidest thing came out and then I just said in my head of forget it. Maybe no one is supposed to get it. Maybe it is just for me to get. I dunno. I don't get it. I really don't. Then I think man am I really that good at hiding things? How can she not know this or how can she not get this? Does she not know me at all? I don't get it. But yet she wants me to be real in her office. And when I try to be I feel like I get this look or shut down. Like oh I guess I picked the wrong thing to talk about today. It just gets lonely you know......sometimes. I don't know. ANy ways I think I should go now. I am losing my trains of thoughts and things are starting to get all muddled up. Thanks for listening.