Feeling stuck creatively

[WendyLee]

We are not doing very well at all. the landlord came 2x unannounced and pounded hard on the front door to do repairs. it scared us really bad! the nasty duplex neighbors were gone for a couple of days but came back yesterday and it makes us really really scared when they are around. we feel really small lately and the sons do not understand that we feel safest when we sit still and do nothing. it is the way we learned as kids, to sit and be a good girl and not get beaten or hurt in any way. by being still we cannot do anything wrong, but then we do not take a bath, and the bills are late and the meat and veggies rot in the fridge and the dishes do not get done or the trash taken out and it stinks.

the bigs, the older inner alters, will not come out much and help either. we do not know if they are mad or afraid or in too much pain or what. they are gone except to shop when there is no food and pay a bill sometimes.

we just know that we are not doing well at all right now and do not know how to fix it. it makes us cry and cry.

when one of the sons comes home from vacation in a couple of days we are afraid that he will be mad at us for sitting so much and not decluttering to move house or not even packing a little bit, and we will have to tell him about us. we are scared that he will not believe us and hate us and never come back.

the end.