Others feel the same about me

[The People]

As I feel about myself. That I am too much effort to be friends with. This means that, with the exception of being here, people find me to be too much work. Yesterday my niece kitty's Mom told me she had enough. There is a long story behind it and it came as no surprise. It hurt though.

What her 'enough point' was, came as a result of one of me struggling with feelings about her close friends that she has (they are a couple). They spend a lot of time with couple friends but had less and less time for me.

It was coming. I remember when my sister died. One of her closest friends lost her only sister shortly thereafter. She barely brought up the loss of my sister. No matter how distant we have been. I still feel the loss of that little sister that I used to push around in grocery boxes once they were emptied. I have an image in my head and wish I could draw.

Anyway, I seem to collect friends who don't have other friends. Some of them can be very wearing at times. These 2 are normal people with lives that are so different from mine. I envy their lives.Their no fear way of travelling. Their roots and wings way of parenting.

So, now that I know how they feel about me (and Idon't blame them) they are part of the past.

For F#ck sake will people come back? I need people around me where I don't stand out as the weird one. Or do I? I hate me right now.

People understand ordinary depression even though that is difficult too. but it is hard to understand DID! I need to get that book done but it is hard right now. This has been a real blow.