Scared and confused

[The People]

Welcome to MM Creature. It doesn't sound to me as if you have done anything wrong. A new diagnosis is scary. Especially when you haven't met any alters yet.
Everyone here has found out in a different way. I spent a long time in therapy before I figured out on my own that I have DID. I remember one thing that my therapist stated when my diagnosis was formalized by a psychiatrist. She told me that I was the same person after the dx as I was before the dx. DX is short for diagnosis.

I didn't become Maniac. I actually had more self-control than I ever did. A bit of advice would be to stop reading for a while. And most of us agree that watching shows like Criminal Minds is a bad idea as they present us as being very sick people. Us folks with DID are mostly at risk to ourselves. As well, just as no two people with bipolar are alike, no 2 people with DID are alike.

If your therapist has met some altars, do you trust her? Maybe not 100% but at least 50%? Trust doesn't come easy for us but we are lucky to have a wonderful T that we do trust.

Perhaps you could try 2 things. Journalling and drawing. And leave them in an open but safe place so that, if you do have alters, they might introduce themselves to you. While you are waiting you can journal and draw about how you are feeling.

You should be very proud of yourself for reaching out. The people who come here are very gentle and trustworthy. I hope that you keep coming back.

One question. Do you feel that this T has experience with DID? Have you asked her? Experience and acceptance are huge! I hope to see you again!