So Sad

[Silent Society]

Hi all. This is Silent s. Used to come here a lot but haven't posted in a while. Hello to those who don't know me/us.
I am so sad today. A good friend of mine has been going through the foster care process and went to meet some children today that may be her babies. I am happy for her but am so sad.
I was never able to have children for a variety of reasons but the biggest was the trauma and the needing to find some level of healing from that. I am a teacher and have been for many years but was never healthy enough to care for children. Not sure that I am healthy enough even now. I know that I would not have been able to be available enough to children and know that i would not have done a good job. Probably would have caused damage to another. That is not what I would have wanted so I can say that there are blessings with not having kids.
Still I am devastated. I turned 53 in March. One would have thought that I would not still be struggling with this but I am. So sad. Just overwhelming tears today. want someone to know. Thanks for listening.