Today is her birthday!

[The People]

The sister that I lost in the spring. My little sister, 14 months younger than I am. She was sooo tiny when she was little and I was big for my age so we were always treated differently. And acted differently. She went looking forlove and I just wanted to be safe.

I am more sad today than we were when it happened. Today we spent a lot of time blaming people. By the time she was in grade 6 people knew she was smoking regularly (she took her first puffs in grade 4) Her best friend was in her class. She would walk home with her. She started sleeping over though my parents knew they were drunks. When she was too young to know why she would tell my parents about their state of undress when they thought the kids were in bed.

My family never held her back.From the smoking or the hanging out with that friend all her life.

In the end it was all her choice. I miss the little sister that she was, not the teen years. We were all so lost.

I am the preschooler with the dress that as a stripe at the bottom. She is peaking out from behind me. Barely past myshoulder.