curious how you are doing

[just peachy]

now I will continue .when he was done at the agency he even said thank you for waiting for me and how to get here .as we went to take the bus to the terminal .. he said it so sweetly so sincerely . ..but what was so really puzzling to me is the way his approach to me in general was very kind nice manners and so confident in the beginning ..not sure if it was me the host or an alter that was thinking in my head this , when I met him .. I was thinking .like wow he is so nice so relaxed and comfortable nice manners a real gentle man .. .like someone I have known a long time ..I even was thinking he is so warm and comfortable to talk to . I also noticed as he was talking to me he had this deep stare while he was talking to me ...and the same deep stare as when I would talk and speak to him .. so then he had said he lived in Virginia and ohio . I couldn't figure out if he had said that he lived there in those 2 states and or was born in one of them. .. or that he was born elsewhere . he definitely said he lived in both of those states.. .that part I remember .. cuz when he said it , all these questions came flooding to my mind .. .. as he was talking .. I was thinking why did you move here where I am living for 4yrs ... and why did you live in and move to 3 different states... and yet you are also so young ... are you running away from some bad situation that you got yourself into .. or are you running away from some bad people that you got involved with .. but.what makes this so hard and so difficult to understand is that the did that I have only makes things so much more complicated cuz IT interferes with me acting and being normal ... and level headed and clear thinking ...SO THATS WHY I NEED YOUR HELP AND AM ASKING AS MANY OF YOU THAT IS WILLING TO HELP ME BY JUST GIVING ME YOUR HONEST GUT WRENCHING OPINION AND THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS , AS TO IF YOU THINK THAT IS THIS A NORMAL EVERYDAY PERSON ? AND SITUATION ? WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON THIS PERSON ? ..DOES IT SOUND NORMAL ? OR DOES IT SOUND WAY OUT OF WHACK ..DOES THIS MAN SOUND LIKE A NICE PERSON .? I COULD GIVE YOU SOME SIMILARITIES OF STORIES I HAVE HEARD OF ON TV AND SEEN AS WELL AS THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED ..BUT I WONT CUZ I WOULD NOT IN ANY WAY WANT TO TRIGGER ANYONE OR MYSELF..CUZ I CANT FIGURE HOW TO PUT WARNINGS ON HERE OR HOW TO SCROLL DOWN .. I HAVE TRIED LOTS OF TIMES AND IT NEVER WORKED....IN ENDING I WANT TO SAY I HAVE NO CONTROL AT ALL OVER MY ALTERS ..AND THEIR BEHAVIOR AND ACTING OUT IN PUBLIC AS MUCH AS I TRY....AS WELL AS THEM COMING OUT ..I AM TRYING MY BEST AND LEARNING ALOT FROM FROM THIS GROUP AND VERY GRATEFUL THAT IT IS HERE FOR ME AND OTHERS TO BE A PART OF AND RECEIVE AND CIVE HEALING TO IT ...I AM STILL TRYING TO FIND A COUNSELOR WITH DID KNOWLEDGE ..AND TRYING TO JUST COPE WITH DAY TO DAY LIVING ...JP..