iI hate being switchy!!!!!!!!

[The People]

Most days I am pretty much in control. My switching is minimal and so swift that I don't even notice it often. Today I was all over the place. When I was driving home was having a huge panic attack because I was sure something was going to happen. Nothing did.

I have a cut on my arm. Due to my thinning skin it can bl**d easily. Tonight I was looking at it and think I should have someone see it. I went through the conversation in my head re what would happen. "When did you do it?" Some time between noon and 4. Too late for a stitch anyway but I hate it!!!

I think I know what was going on. I go to a friends' house daily to walk the dogs. Wife is travelling and husband works long hours. MT talk of d**th.

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One of the dogs is losing ground and will not be with us before winter. It makes me soooo soooo sad. I was hugging him today. Watching him when we went for a walk and he smelled the flowers, nibbled on the grass. It will break my heart to say that last goodbye. I have never met such a lovable dog. He is big and smart and has eyes that show what he is feeling. And now he feels pain. There is nothing they could do for him. His back legs barely hold him up. Winters are just too hard on him. But losing him is just too hard on me. I have never loved a dog so much. His family loves him too which is why we will say goodbye in the fall. Poor boy and everyone who loves him is very sad. ;(