New member needs help

[Cammy]

Phoenix: One of the most difficult things I had to do with my DID diagnosis was to accept it. I simply could not, would not believe that I was a multiple, even though my family doctor and a DID therapist had confirmed the diagnosis. I bolted from her office and spent two years away before I returned. During those two years I began to watch myself from the inside out, and sure enough, I found irrefutable confirmation that I had DID. So I went back to the T with my tail between my legs. She told me that this was typical behaviour, and that most people newly diagnosed do not want to accept the truth.

I don't know your husband well, or I could give better suggestions. Another person recently came to the forum with a similar issue and I suggested that they introduce their significant other to a book written by a multiple called "First Person Plural". It is a highly accomplished professional person who has this diagnosis and wrote the book, so it has a lot of merit for someone that feels that being multiple is equated with being unemployable or other such nonsense. He may be able to relate to the book and perhaps he may even start seeing bits of himself there. You can buy it at bookstores or online at such places like Amazon, or download from the usual sites. It is a bona fide story of this person's journey through DID.

The other thing you might want to do is start a journal where you record each time he switches, for how long, and describe the personality you are witnessing. Even try filming with it with your iPhone to show him later. That will dispense with him denying that it ever happened. He may well be quite shocked to see himself in another persona that he is unaware of. Tread carefully here - make sure he is a milder host when you show him the footage, and approach it from a quiet, understanding point of view. The last thing you need is to sort of an in the face approach that he may well be badly triggered by.

Both of you need to have a communication about the abusive behaviour. Regardless of the cause, it is not acceptable. This is where you and the T need to iron our a strategy for some counselling for both of you. You both need help at this point. I would never suggest to anyone to stay around an abusive person, especially when younger family members are being exposed. So, this has to be brought under control. Believe it or not, multiples can obey boundaries - we are capable of it. He needs to learn to be accountable for his other personalities, which also entails acceptance. And yes, you are right, until he wants to accept that he is a multiple, things may well get worse before they get better. Discuss all of this with your T and find out what strategy will work best. The T is the only neutral person you both have right now that can negotiate a cease fire and try to establish some healthy boundaries for him.

Please let us know how you fare. We will keep trying to assist as much as possible, but we are not therapists here. All we know is what we've each experienced in our journeys, and all of our journeys are different.

Best wishes . . . Igraine