Can't forgive T

[Cammy]

There is a saying among artists and tattoo artists - "You are only as good as your worst piece of work". So here we have a situation where this T has probably done a lot of 'good work' for you, but now that this has happened, all you can focus on is the 'worst piece of work'. I operate the same way: Once someone has traumatized me whether on purpose or not, it just seems to wipe out any positive affiliation that I may have experienced with that person. It is SO hard to get past something like this once you've been triggered in this fashion. It is like firing a gun, and then trying to get the bullet to go back into the chamber - nope, sorry, too late, the gun is now fired.

For me, I just try to let the bad feelings have their say, I vent, I write about it, I walk around and rant to myself. Eventually, most of the time, things start to fade a bit and settle down. IF the person does not re-traumatize me, and IF they are made to understand what they have done to me and apologize sincerely, I am often able to move forward, albeit cautiously. I am not in any way suggesting this is what you should do, or how you should handle it, I am just sharing similar experiences and how I have dealt with it.

You've been terribly wounded and triggered, and for very, very good reason. I hope that you are able to find a way through open honest dialogue to resolve this for yourself or perhaps to just find a different T (a trauma in itself) if these feelings just won't let go in relation to this person.

In any event, I am wishing you a good outcome and sending you vibes of peace and calmness. I hope that the pain of this settles down for you and that you can move forward in whatever way that works best for you. I am so sorry that this had to happen. Having D.I.D. means that the world is full of mine fields for us - much of it in the form of thoughtless words spoken by people during moments of not thinking before speaking.