? re meds

[The People]

My family doctor wants me to try meds again. For the last several years I have just been on antianxiety because the AD sh*t never works. But I told him I would discuss it with my PDoc tomorrow. The issue there is that she has no DID experience. Nobody in this city has any.

I have a history with meds that goes back to the mid-eighties when my dx was BPD. Noting ever worked long term. I might get 3 months out of something and then I would fall further down the rabbit hole than I had been prior to taking the meds. As well, most often I would gain weight. I was on 3 different antipsychotics. 1 I gained about 60 pounds and it was hell (Mellaril don't ever go there) one where I developed breathing difficulties to the point where walking a block was painful. This was at a tie when I was ever so much more physically active. I don't remember the third but the PDoc of the time was a f*ck*ng nutcase. She told me to take 25-75mg. On 25 I could sleep 24 hours and wake up feeling dead.

I have been on so many meds I have lost track of the names. Since coming off the last one over 5 years ago I wouldn't try anything else. But I am in a really dark place. I have no happy place.