Greetings to All

[Ursidae]

Hello All,

Newbie here. I'm actually a significant other to a beautiful girl who is my fiancee. She has both PTSD and DID. I found this site by accident and am grateful for a therapist who suggested another site that led me here. Long story short...I'm just beginning my journey as a SO to a person who had an unbelievably traumatic childhood complete with abuses I didn't know were even possible. My dream girl warned me numerous times to not get involved with her and asked me to run away before I became hurt, financially drained and/or just emotionally exhausted but I just couldn't. I'm stubborn and love for others is a curious thing. I apologize in advance for this lengthy post.

It's been a rough and beautiful ride so far. I'm tempted to say that nobody has any idea of what she has been going through all her life nor could any of you possibly know what I have been dealing with these past few months but after reading many threads here, I think I've found a home of sorts. I'm very tired but remain strong and loyal to a fault. Love is always a force multiplier so I'm rolling with that.

Nobody in our own small world understands what we are going through. Most we can't even tell due to her fears of being labeled as "crazy" and having this affect her. I often wonder how many people exist in the world who truly understand that on the night I proposed, she was less worried about what she wore and ate and more worried about not "switching" so she could remember things as she wanted to for this amazing moment in time. Since then, we've dealt with the blackouts, crying, apologies, mistrust, spite, threats, fear and also, all the good things like happy photos, happy times, and love and caring beyond believe for one another. To be honest, I'm a little pissed at how hard it is to find acceptance, belief and help for what she struggles with on a daily basis. I'm just now fully learning about things like applying for disability, her triggers, integration versus other forms of healing and the costs involved with helping her find peace among many other things. I'm also the first person after many relationships to ever recognize and acknowledge her alters so I'm still trying to make good with them all and decide how best to explain to her what happened during memory losses. Sometimes it's very positive stuff and sometimes it's very hurtful. Just as she is great for making me feel good, some of her alters really mess with my head. When she realizes what happened she is apologetic beyond belief and wonders why I remain by her side. She insists I tell her everything but sometimes her pain at hearing what happened is the hardest for me.

I won't bore you with further details right now but know that a major job loss happened recently. She was doing awesome at a complex and demanding job but now on any given day during this unemployment period, I have to navigate the good, bad and ugly along with the occasional child. Sometimes she co-exists with them; sometimes they are out exploring on their own. I don't see that anybody anywhere has a road map that can assist. We're trying to keep the stress low and the activities up while avoiding triggers that seem to pop up everywhere. Through this all she calls me her "rock" but really, she is the rock. I'm not sure I could have gone what she has experienced during her life and remained the compassionate, loving and caring person she is to all people and animals she comes in contact with-that's the amazing thing and probably consistent with many people who have suffered like she has... I'm in for a long journey with her. I know this. She has been on this journey longer than me though and this gives me strength. We're in for a long journey together.

I'm in love with a great girl that has PTSD and DID and I'm not going anywhere. I hope she joins this site and others some day but until then, I hope you accept me as a SO to a wonderful girl who maintains, struggles with and sometimes embraces what many others here appear to share with her. Any advice/information/suggestions you may have would be appreciated. Thanks again.