fear of success?

[Tangled Web]

We struggle with these things also. The way we manage these things is that we turned into somewhat of a perfectionist. It puts a lot more pressure on us but it also drives us to keep up this image we want we people to have of us so they don't see us a fraud.

Over time we have been able to see flickers of our accomplishments and hold onto them for longer periods of time. I guess it is just trying to make that voice inside saying you can do it stronger and louder than the voice that tells you can't and you are fraud. We do that by dealing with the facts of things. The more facts you have ex. good grades, above average work performance, more knowledge, etc. It will help drown out the negative voices, which will help change the way you feel-so I am told.
For us it doesn't change how we feel yet-but I am told it will-so I am still waiting.........

I remember the time I was in school to be a nurse and I got 100% on my final grade in a course--I still felt it wasn't good enough even though I knew you can't do any better than that. The feeling of being proud of ourselves or saying we did well in something has always felt wrong. It is a hard thing to change.
TW