What is it about 'groups'?

[Cammy]

Thank you for responding nats. I agree with you that it is always possible that a particular group isn't a good fit. My conundrum is that for me ALL groups feel this way, so I feel like I have to try and stick around and push through it to see if it is indeed me or I just don't fit in with that particular group's dynamics. It is hard for me to know which is which, and I am trying to be a bit more persistent in order to find out (as opposed to just leaving the first time and never coming back). For the group that I signed up with I was cautious - rather than make a commitment to a 3 month group I signed up for a shorter 4 week commitment to see how it goes. It is only once a week, so if worse come to worse I have only committed to 4 sessions. I figure that even I can muscle my way through four weeks. I think, for me, making sure that I don't bite off more than I can chew is going to be key in helping ease me into this whole group thing. For some reason I have this need to at least try. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. But, I do not intend to give up too easily, which is always tempting. As you suggested, I will simply try something else . . . like a book group that meets once a month at the library or something less threatening. 

Mind you, the last book group I tried ended up being quite intimidating. It was a group of women who were mostly lesbians, which is neither here nor there to me. I was simply interested in the book that they were reviewing and eager to discuss it with a group of intelligent people.  When they realized I wasn't gay, they weren't very pleased with me.  I honestly didn't think it mattered either way...it was a just a book group to me, therefore I could not understand how my sexual orientation mattered. Turns out it mattered quite a bit to them. Oops - my bad. I think the offense they felt was that they may have thought I was there because I perceived them to be a novelty, and i was possibly there as though watching a side show (nothing could have been farther from the truth in my case).  I DO understand how I would feel if a mono-mind i didn't know showed up at a meeting for multiples. I would definitely question their intentions for being there, so I should have known better.

At any rate, I intend to keep trying, and as you suggesed nats, I will try another group if things don't seem to be working out. To be perfectly honest, I think the neatest thing would be to meet with a group of multiples face to face from time to time. Somehow I think that I would have a pretty good comfort level there from the word go, but then again I am assuming a great deal. My therapist has offered to allow me to speak anonymously to another female multiple who is also married to a multiple with severe past abuse. Neither of us would know the identity of the other. Ever since my T has made this offer to me, I have been VERY intrigued with the idea, but I am also reluctant. If for whatever reason we don't 'click', I dread that horrendous awkward silence on the phone - I have this palpable dread of telephones in the first place, so I don't know if I'll take her up on the offer or not. For me, the best thing would be to be able to email this other person first to develop a kind of idea of where we are at in terms of each other, and then PERHAPS attempt the phone thing. Writing is definitely my comfort zone. 

Sorry nats .. . I am going on and on. Thank you so much for your reply and your thoughtful suggestion.