Acceptance and Moving Forward

[Cammy]

i am struggling mightily with acceptance right now. The struggle is system-wide, from my littles all the way through to my 'NOW' host self. After some terrible setbacks, i have intellectually come to realize that without acceptance I will remain quite stuck in our present state. So, slowly, I am taking small bits of the past and working to accept the smaller, easier pieces. I just cannot en masse get myself to accept what has happened...it's too much. Part of acceptance for me involves the feeling that by letting go i am somehow invalidating the experience and thereby betraying myself. This feeling is the hardest part of acceptance for me. I have had to find a way to accept the past and particular instances and specific perpetrators, and just accept and let it go without allowing myself to feel like this means it never happened or like it doesn't matter. It will always matter, but I see now that if I don't accept/let go, I am continuing to hurt myself, and I do not want anyone or anything to have that kind of power over me anymore. It is a process and by working on the smaller bits, I am hoping that eventually I will possess the skill and personal strength to work with the bigger stuff.