One Insider's Issues Slowing Other Insiders' Healing?

[Tangled Web]

Hi MDs. I can hear what you are saying very clearly. Actually you have described how we live and how we feel about our life pretty perfectly-------

The whole situation feels toxic. Living--no, existing--in a constant state of active C-PTSD. Constant feelings of uncertainty and fear, anger and hypervigilance. Feeling like no one on the outside has even the remotest concept of what we're going through or how much pain we're in. Feeling like a freak. Feeling like we're damaged goods and doomed to spend eternity suffering.

We just exist in this life of ours. I know that is a fact. We remain isolated for many reasons away from people. I know about some of the others inside that live in a constant active state of CPTSD. The feeling of uncertainty and all the other things you described are very real to us.
I don't have any helpful solutions for you though. We shut it down and shut it out so we are able to function. We put on this mask every day before we go work and be who we need to be and then come home exhausted because of the energy it took to do this. Letting someone into to see these kinds of things feels forbidden to us. It feels like it still has to remain a secret like ALL the other secrets that are kept. Which makes us feel trapped and doomed to spend eternity suffering.
I personally have always found that when someone tells us not to think about something is rarely helpful. If it was possible to do at the time, we wouldn't think about it. For us during those times is when we need to feel heard most of all, not shut down by someones words telling us to just not think about it. I am sorry you are in this position right now and feeling these things. It is NOT a good place to be.
Sometimes when I am able I try to write..........that can often be helpful figuring some things out--I haven't figured out how to be heard yet though--I think that might be one of the missing pieces to help start to maybe get past some of those feelings.
I wish I could be more helpful
Tangled