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[The People]

Yesterday I saw my pdoc. I was feeling very hopeless and just whined through the whole session. As I left I asked myself why I bother with all of this. I need to see her for meds and to keep my LTD going but I go every 2 weeks, I sit and whine and I leave. As I walked back to catch the train home I thought of this. When i got back to my apartment I emailed her stating all of this. Telling her that I will only be going once a month as I see no purpose in more. She is a very nice, kind woman as was my T before her but... nothing is working.I have been crying too much of late.

This morning I thought about a med I started taking several months back for a blip I have in my heart. One of the side effects is potential depression. How does one figure out the difference between emotional and chemically based depression. I am a good candidate for side effects when there is risk. I suppose I should go back to my doctor but there is fear he won't believe me. I tire him out with my arguments against everything he tried to do to help me. But as the song I am listening to just said "I've been there before" with regards to all he tries to offer.

I worry that I leave people thinking that I have given up trying and I sort of have.