Update: Estate, System Issues, Etc.

[MakersDozn]

Thank you both.

mosaic....Charity at least listens to our T, although she struggles trying to see the T's point of view. They haven't spoken directly in a couple of weeks. When we had the Skype session on April 22, Allegra was out, and last week, Laura was out. In fact, Charity was at a noticeable distance during last week's session.

The People....our brother found an apartment on the second floor of a house located about 15 minutes from where we/MDs live (and also about 15 minutes from our parents' house).

Charity is an adult. She is 25 and the oldest in our system. We believe that our first split occurred in infancy and resulted in baby amanda (to experience only physical needs with no emotion) and Charity (to experience thoughts and feelings). The massive load of feelings and memories were too much for Charity to handle, so she off-loaded them to others who came later.

It's only been during the past few years that Charity has been able to reclaim these feelings and memories. This is great for the others who'd been burdened for them, but unbearably painful for Charity. We believe that only the system member who originally experienced a particular trauma can work through it and resolve it, so Charity's anger and pain is certainly understandable.

Even when she's calm, Charity doesn't know who she is anymore. She created an idealized self, but now that this idealized self is no longer useful, she's reluctant to discover and develop who she really is. Her idealism led her to make mistakes that caused harm for the system, and she doesn't want this to happen again.

One of the things that all of us have realized lately is that part of why the pain is so unbearable is that it's all out and raw and chaotic. Charity has envisioned all of our memories as being in an archive filled with boxes. In the past, she's been able to focus on only one box at a time, but now many boxes are open, and memories and feelings are strewn all over the place. No doubt our father's passing has contributed to this.

Thanks again,

Mary, Allegra, and others