Length of dx

[Dreamscapes Collectives]

we were first dx'd in 91, when the body was 17. we weren't told, and didn't even start to try and get help until nine years later. because our parents didn't tell us what they dx'd us with (we were in an adolescent ward). we are also poly-fragmented (at least 300 known and more unknown) and our abuse started in infancy (at least four months, possibly sooner). the body just turned 41.

we spent six years in therapy and working like hell to try and heal. we came to terms with in that period that there were some things that were just too damaging to heal from. our personal opinion not a professional one. we stopped going to therapy in 2007 for a variety of reasons, mostly bc our insurance no longer covered a therapist that knew what to do with someone with DID. by 2009 we'd stopped looking.

we did have one doctor last year in a psych hospital who did know about DID who saw us. and he did tell us that if nothing changed with the amount of crap we are trying to deal with he couldn't see us making it past two more years. that is not in therapy (which we can't do bc of insurance purposes and lack of trained professionals who have a clue) and with no support system. and we get the hopelessness and despair and frustration bc yeah, we are hella tired of this. we get so tired of dealing with this day in and day out. we're not just finding new people, our system is still creating new people. our system has NEVER been stable.

on the other hand, the one friend we still have is a year or two older and is doing much better psychologically speaking than we are. (she's a blended multi, not the same as the big "I", but similar. not that we're advocating for or against such) i honestly think it depends on each individual system. i don't know that there is any one right answer. everyone reacts to and handles things differently. some people can do what other people can't do. we only know what we have been through and what we can tolerate and what we can't.

sometimes it all comes down to finding one reason important enough to keep putting one foot in front of the other. focusing on something that's important to enough of you to keep fighting through the pain and hopelessness and despair that can well up. I don't think that anyone is ever truly without hope, after all, no one knows what will happen tomorrow and miracles are possible. at the same time, we do think there are some things that don't ever truly heal. we just have to learn to endure them.

Alexis, Olivia and others