Therapy

[Tangled Web]

Thank you for your feedback.
I think I might have steered this conversation down the wrong path and given you all the wrong idea. The above message I wrote was my perceptions of things and where my mind goes but that doesn't mean it is accurate or tells the whole story. My T has been a good T to us/me. She does try really hard with us and I know it is not easy for her. Our life can be pretty complicated in how we think which is why we rarely share what we really think. We have some things to work out with her and this being one of them. This issue we are having is more about us than her.
You see I choose my words very carefully for various reason and try really hard to think before I speak--mostly it is because I don't want to give to much of myself away in a sentence and try to figure out what the "right" answer SHOULD be--and then tell people what they want/need to hear. It is something we learned from childhood and it is hard to break that pattern and we also do that to protect the image I portray to people. That is important to me. So when she does that and it feels like she is stumbling over her words-the place I go in my mind is what I have already stated above because that is what WE do. That doesn't mean that is what she is doing............and that is why we needed to clarify it. But when we get stuck in that thinking we go to that place where we think she can't help us-and all these doubts come into our mind--because we feel that there is no help for us. We get scared.
We are making progress with her and to be completely honest for the first time in our life we are letting her see small pieces of us-of who we really are and not who we portray ourselves to be. She has handled it well. But it terrifies me to no end. This is one of those times where I have actually told her what we thought and how we think on this level...... she had no idea...... which is a huge step for us.
Her experience in dealing with trauma is extensive. She has dealt with dissociation and abuse survivors for over 20 years. She hasn't had a lot of experience in dealing with DID specifically like us--who have real people that come out-- but she does have the background to handle trauma.

Orek--sorry for the red flags--hopefully this will help clarify things more. As for her telling me that I am challenging to her--to me that has some therapeutic properties to it--not sure if that is the right way to say that. But for me it shows me that she understands how complicated things can be. Not that I mean to be challenging in any way and she knows that about me-it isn't something I do on purpose--but it is challenging and she is just being honest with me which is one of her valued traits. I make her think hard with the questions I ask her and the classic answers that are given don't generally apply to my questions.
She actually listened to my concerns and is going to take a look at it and evaluate what she does. That is "new" for us and a good thing I think. In hind sight now I guess I should of told her the above explanations are what we do when we stumble over our words and are wondering if she does it for the same reasons. Didn't occur to me to mention that.

Thank you for your support though and having my back.......it means ALOT!