Recovery/Healing

[orek]

I think I might know the missing piece, at least the extra bit that makes it fall into place for us. If you blame yourself, then you can believe somewhere inside that if you just do such-and-such, you won't get hurt again. Same mentality that leads people to blame the victims. Feeling powerless and helpless is terrifying, and no one likes to feel it. If it's your fault, then you have the power to make it right. Or if something bad happened to that other person and it's her fault, then as long as I'm good (or have enough faith, or wear or say the right things, etc.), then it won't happen to me.

Also, as kids, we can't blame the parent/abuser, because we're utterly dependent upon them. So it's a survival tactic to take the blame on ourselves so that we can continue to believe in those that have the power of life and death over us. Children just do not have the experience or mental development to think it through and work out the true dynamics. They just take it upon themselves, and we carry that with us into adulthood. But we don't need to anymore! We can survive without our parents now. And we have the mental capacity to understand the dynamics.

But that doesn't stop it from being terrifying, letting ourselves accept and experience that powerlessness and helplessness. And the kids inside have to be shown that we're not stuck back there anymore in time, dependent and about to be hurt at any moment. That's what's finally dawning on us, the fact that they are stuck back there in the trauma time.

Anyway, don't know if that helps, but there's my 2 bits and a bob's worth.