Question

[Tangled Web]

Hi Orek. We always love your feedback . I need to clarify something though. My T didn't burden with all those facts. I asked her to explain it. It was me that started the whole conversation. I jumped in and told her what I was kinda looking for but thought it was wrong and low and behold she told me that was exactly what she was trying to do. That floored me and chaos broke out and we needed things spelled out for us to make sure we were on the same page. So we asked for the information and explanations. But otherwise it was just something she was trying to do.
The phone call thing was a little unnerving for me as well and it worried me. We prefer communication through email and she knows that. And she wasn't going to it but then we didn't like that feeling either so we left it as she could call but if we didn't answer we would email her-she was fine with that.
We did get more things clarified and found out she assumes things ALOT and because of our reactions to things she goes and changes things to try to make us feel more comfortable. We told her to stop it. Or if she was going to change things to at least talk to us about it first because our reactions to things she does doesn't mean we don't want her to do it. We need to get past the barriers from within inside and the reactions she sees is us going up against those barriers.
Like I told her one day it feels like we are going to just jump in and it scares the hell out of us. She said well it isn't like it is an deep dark abyss and I laughed and said well yes actually it is. That surprised her but that was because she assumed we were talking about our relationship and trust. She told me that we have know each other for awhile now and I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt us. I said I know that but that is not what I was referring to. You assume that this abyss I am talking about is about our relationship........it isn't. I have no idea what else can be inside my head or what more new information I am going to find. That is MY abyss. She understood then and things started to make sense to her. It is all about being on the same page and I find we are different pages some of the time. So clarification helps a lot. I finally have enough nerve to tell her what I think and I do believe we can work things out when something bothers us. That is a good feeling and has helped us a lot in the trust department. I even went as far as saying to her one day-OH this is about you and what you think- not me. She took it well and we talked about it. It was about her that day or those thoughts were any ways. It wasn't about her needs or anything like that. It is important for us to know her thoughts about things and the way she was telling us about that one day got us confused and we got it clarified. It helps. Now all we need to do is start telling her what we really think instead of her going on what she thinks we think. We are getting better at that too. Having this type of relationship with someone is very difficult work. And it is really hard. Thanks for the hugs!
TW