Looking for serious feedback

[The People]

I am 55. My biggest regret in life is that I have never had children. However, I could cope with that if I had a life. As some of you know I had to leave work several years ago due to health issues. Since then life has sucked so badly....

A while back I talked to that T about foster parenting older kids. I am too old to adopt and cannot afford it. If I foster I provide the emotional stuff and the province provides the physical stuff. MY PDoc was all for it but my T who also council's kids in foster care was against it. She felt that I was looking to build a family and that while she felt I could give them what they needed I would not get back what I miss. Love and affection. Disappointed I put it away.

I worked on my book today and as I did so I thought again about this desire to foster parent. I am not just looking for a ready made family. As I said in a letter I just sent to all formal feedbackers I do not view myself as Mary Poppins with her magic bag and umbrella who pops in to peoples lives and makes things perfect. However, I can provide an umbrella.

A lot of kids who reach the age of 'no likely to be adopted have major issues. That is why T was against it. They cannot bond, have ODD or other issues. Might be a few undxd multies floating around. My friend adopted an older child and her little brother. He is going to make it. The girl had already passed the point of no return and is really messed up. She cannot wait until she can move out of the house. This friend is not highly encouraging.

To be honest I would not take FASD kids based on my experience with them through work. They are pre-birth brain injury and tend to get worse as they hit puberty. They belong in a group home. Nor would I take in children with physical limitations doing primary care as I just cannot do it.

I am just wondering what people would think. While I do have S thoughts and urges it is because I feel like my life is without purpose. I write but it is not enough. I volunteer but it is not enough. I still overeat but not as much as I used to. I have a theory that some bingers have Celiac or some similar undxd disease and eat too much because the disease keeps them from getting the nutrients they need, My PDoc agrees. Hardly drink, never to get drunk. Well tipsy but it doesn't take much. Haven't smoked pot in 20 years and it was never my thing because I felt out of control on it. I have heard that multies have a weirder high than Monominds.

I know many people here would not go that route. I never gave birth for numerous reasons. Even if I could afford to adopt I would not take in a little kid as I am too old. I cannot afford to adopt an older kid but with fostering there would be financial support although that is not why I would do it.

Thoughts? Lots of internal silence. There would be time for the littles to be out while the kids were in school and after they went to bed. KA would have somebody to play with.

[mosaic]

it's a very noble thing you are contemplating. i don't think i could do it.

just curious about the foster system in Canada - are you able to pick and choose who you would foster?

[nats]

there are so many serious pros and cons, but sounds like you've considered most of them - essentially, older kids can be very difficult and you probably wouldn't get much love back but you probably would get a sense of purpose and that you were doing something worthwhile that many others couldn't/wouldn't.

s it possible in Canada to try short-term fostering (e.g. filling in for others)? This could give you a much better idea of what it's like for yous and how everyone deals with it, before jumping straight into a longer term situation that might be a huge adjustment. if it's possible, that might be a good way to start.

[Tangled Web]

This is just a thought we had and I am not sure how you would feel about it but I will put it out there any ways......What if you started looking for a partner to live your life with? That might help fill a lot of what you are looking for, and if that person had kids that would be a bonus for you. I personally don't think fostering a child is the way to go. Sorry.

[The People]

(01-02-2014, 08:53 AM)mosaic Wrote: it's a very noble thing you are contemplating. i don't think i could do it.

just curious about the foster system in Canada - are you able to pick and choose who you would foster?

I don't think I could pick and choose but I think I could be able to choose who I would not work with. And not because I don't think they deserve a home too; but because I think they need to be in a 2 adult home. FAD teens become harder and harder to manage (for lack of a better word) and I wouldn't do primary care. ODD would probably be out as well.

[dreamers]

just a thought but, have you ever thought of mentoring kids ( like the big brother or big sister organizations). I used to do that and we had a lot of kids with the emotional problems you described. It might give you a chance to see what it is like to deal with kids like that. that in turn could help you decide if fostering full time is for you.

Also, I will soon be starting an online mentoring for littles and " inner-kids" ( some people who are not multy nonetheless, feel like some very real part of themselves is still emotionally processing things the way a kid does; even though they have physically and intellectually grown to adulthood. they normally use the term innerkid to denote this part). They group will have online chore charts(on a site called habit RPG that is designed for all ages) set up by the bigs with online rewards such as movie and game nights for doing the chores. it will also have consequences ( in the form of written essays and lines but, only for those who indicate that such a thing would be safe for them/ their system).

If mentoring a little or group of littles/iks would help fill the void you would be welcome to come see if its for you.

btw to the admin: My group will be a mentor/mentee group not an ageplay group. I know how people here feel about AP. My hope is to give littles a sense of belonging to a community where they can also have more of an experience that mirrors what some biological kids have. I do not have a link yet but, i can post it here on mm once it is up if the admin are okay with the idea. the absolutely wonderful experience that my system has had with a mentor, gave me the idea that perhaps others would enjoy something similar.

[The People]

(01-18-2014, 01:02 AM)dreamers Wrote: just a thought but, have you ever thought of mentoring kids ( like the big brother or big sister organizations). I used to do that and we had a lot of kids with the emotional problems you described. It might give you a chance to see what it is like to deal with kids like that. that in turn could help you decide if fostering full time is for you.

Also, I will soon be starting an online mentoring for littles and " inner-kids" ( some people who are not multy nonetheless, feel like some very real part of themselves is still emotionally processing things the way a kid does; even though they have physically and intellectually grown to adulthood. they normally use the term innerkid to denote this part). They group will have online chore charts(on a site called habit RPG that is designed for all ages) set up by the bigs with online rewards such as movie and game nights for doing the chores. it will also have consequences ( in the form of written essays and lines but, only for those who indicate that such a thing would be safe for them/ their system).

If mentoring a little or group of littles/iks would help fill the void you would be welcome to come see if its for you.

btw to the admin: My group will be a mentor/mentee group not an ageplay group. I know how people here feel about AP. My hope is to give littles a sense of belonging to a community where they can also have more of an experience that mirrors what some biological kids have. I do not have a link yet but, i can post it here on mm once it is up if the admin are okay with the idea. the absolutely wonderful experience that my system has had with a mentor, gave me the idea that perhaps others would enjoy something similar.

Thank you for the feedback. I was a big sister several times. Hit it off with some but not with others. That was a different sort of role. One LS was shy and dealt with it by smacking her brothers in front of me. Once I explained that it was her house but please don't do that in front of me because hitting isn't good. I think that was out last time. I have thought about B&G Club here. Dunno. I am in a bad place right now. Not self harm bad. Just too much going wrong and...

[MakersDozn]

Hi dreamers,

Posting your link should be fine, as long as it doesn't conflict with anything in MM's community guidelines. It sounds like this will be the case, though.

Thanks for checking.

MDs, MM Admin