overwhelmed, triggered 24/7, and struggling

[chem_in_6]

ever have so much going on in life that communicating wants and needs to people is difficult?

that's where we are. typing is hard. talking to people over the phone is hard. calling via phone or Skype is hard. Face to face talking is really awkward. internet chat functions are bad too. we have one place where we can talk, but it's hard to keep track of who wants to say what and who is even trying to communicate.

we made a list of coping mechanisms for when we feel triggered, stressed, too switchy to do anything. nothing on the list feel like it helps. we are very sad and very scared

we are constantly triggered this month due to old trauma and "bad bad bad" memories.

we met a new little/middle. name is Shadow and likes to jump and slide between being 8 and 13. Mella is excited to have someone her age. however, there is another voice who is scary. we've never seen who the voice belongs to, but the voice is loud, scary, and angry. this voice sounds old, too... like the voice of a mad old man who yells

dammit. we're crying now for no good reason. FRAK

-the crew plus Shadow

[Blue]

Yo chem_in_6. Sorry to hear ya feeling so damn bad. Know that we are thinkin of ya and hopin that ya feel loads better real soon. Bad memories are real hard to deal with and can be really crushin. Our host is goin through some real bad ones right now too. So enough respect for ya airing ya feelings. That's the first step to recovery. Try to remember that memories ARE just memories and they can't hurt you in the way they used to anymore. You're safe now, i hope.
Blue.

[The People]

I spoke about this month some place else. And BTW you are allowed to say f*ck here unless you yourself are offended. However, studies have proven that swearing actually helps alleviate the pain. I'm serious! We are glad you feel safe enough here to tell us how hard it is right now. Because by telling others it takes some of the weight off. We are all in this together.

[chem_in_6]

we're still struggling and insanely triggered... to the point of showering in the dark because body seems gross and very triggering to the younger ones. we normally can tolerate a shower with the lights on right now, but light is making us feel exposed. this is awful. we want the body memories to stop.

we were switchy in class today. very much not good. there's 3 different handwritings on a lab that's being turned in later, and that may or may not be accepted by the professor. we're too switchy to have one person stay out for long periods of time so that handwriting is uniform.

we don't want to go to class. we feel awful, sad, terribly scared, and too damn exhausted to sit through classes. poor body is hurting. head, wrists, right hip, lower abdomen, and right knee are all reminding us that we need to rest. some in more nice ways than others. f*ck*ng pain, go away!

-the crew minus the younger ones.

[The People]

Do you stuff your pockets? Wear talismans as Two calls them? Talismans. Things to hold onto when you feel afraid. Do you have a mantra? We use the Serenity Prayer but it does not have to be that long.

I have been in situations similar to yours at times when I was sure I would never get through it. But I did. And you will too. As for the changing handwriting, if you get called on it tell a small bit of truth, like being able to write with both hands or having a lot of physical pain so you had to keep switching the pen around. If I hold my pen at different angles I have different outcomes.

Another day is over with and you got through it. One day at a time as they say. Or hour or minute... It is 2013 and nobody can hurt you now. Don't give up on school. Don't let the bastards win.

[chem_in_6]

we have a necklace we like around our neck. it has 3 rings that say, Hope, Believe, and Friendship. there is also a ball and stick model of a molecule on there- norepinephrine. there's a band around body's wrist that applies pressure, which helps keep us aware of body. we have a plush angry bird for the littles, their favourite book, and a green fuzzy blanket (everybody likes the blanket).

Dr. O (lab professor) didn't notice the handwriting switchy-weird stuff... or if she did, she didn't say anything. we hope she'll just overlook it. we are having a lot of physical pain in the body, especially in the hands and wrists, so that can be our "excuse" even though it is true.

we're barely hanging on right now. scary memories are getting more and more frequent as it gets closer to this weekend and as it gets closer to the end of the month. it's getting so hard for us to remember that no one can hurt us now. sometimes even trying to get through the next 15 minutes is so scary for us. we feel so off balance and so frightened. we want to sleep through the whole rest of the month just so we don't have to be stuck in the memories.