Feeling down

[Blue]

My name is Angel. I am Blue's and others' host. I feel very depressed and don't know who to talk to. I feel lost and like my head is going to explode. Sometimes

Spoiler

i wish i were dead

. I've got all these awful feelings inside that i can't express because they hurt too much. I know Blue and Sarah have made a lot of friends on here. Whereas i hardly know anybody because i've been too afraid to post anything. I feel like crying constantly but i have no tears left. I feel very alone. It's amazing how you can have all these insiders yet feel so alone. I feel like i can't pull myself up out of this black hole. It feels that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I should stop feeling so sorry for myself and pull myself together and just get on with things, but i don't know how. As Eminem would say, I have all these skeletons in my closet, and i feel like they're all coming out at once. I feel totally out of control. I don't know what to do......

Angel.

[MakersDozn]

   

Hi Angel,

It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I feel sad a lot too. We don't have a host, but I think that you and I may have some things in common. It would be nice to talk, if that's okay.

It's hard when the feelings seem so big and overwhelming. Like they'll never stop. It can feel awful at times. But I do want things to be better, and I don't want the others inside to have to feel the effects of my sadness. I don't want them to feel the way I feel, and I don't want them to suffer for it.

What's one thing that keeps you going? Some people here say it's their pets, or their outside children. We don't have either, so for me it's our inside children. I want them to be happy, and I want to be able to enjoy taking care of them again.

How about you?

Take care,

Charity

[Blue]

Hi Charity. It's nice to meet you too. The things that keep me going are my partner, daughter and my cat.

Thank you for your kind words.

Angel

[dragonfairy]

Hi Angel,

We have talked a few times. I am the Katie and the crews host Melissa. I am sorry that you are struggling so hard right now. I haven't talked to anyone on here yet myself. Find it hard to reach out to other on here but let my insiders do it as often as they want. I know I am not always available to talk to and I am sorry. Life is kinda nuts with my own physical stuff going on and then school starts back up next week making life even more nuts. But please know that I am thinking of you as are all the rest of my crew. Leave me a message and I or one of the others will respond as soon as we can. Take care and know that you are not alone in this battle!

Melissa and crew

[Blue]

Thank you Melissa. Your support is a real comfort to me. That was my first post on here too. The others post all the time. Whereas I've felt a little shy about doing it. My peer support worker is always saying how good this site is aswell. But I find it really hard to just open up to people I've never met before. Again, thanks for all your support.

[MakersDozn]

Hi Angel and Melissa,

Yes. You are not alone. It's good to talk with both of you.

Sometimes I need a little encouragement to come out. Well, I need a lot of encouragement. From the people in our 3d life, I mean. We didn't get any encouragement growing up. So I never felt good about myself.

Lately I'm talking to our T a lot more. I know how badly our others want me to heal for the sake of all of us. They need me to be a bigger part of our daily life. One of the others is saying to me now that the most important reason for me to heal is for me. I'm trying to remember this.

Take care,

Charity

[dragonfairy]

Hi Charity,

Thanks for the positive response. It is kinda hard to come on here and post when most of the posts on here are from insiders. So as a host it is really strange for me to feel comfortable coming here to talk about how I feel when I feel like originally we came here as a way for my insiders to have a outlet of their own. But along the way I met Angel another host so it has been nice to not feel so lonely on this road as at least I am not the only host on here. It is a daily struggle just to make it through a day sometimes and reaching out to others is not always easy. Although I know alot of my insiders have made many of friends on here and for that I am thankful. Not really sure what else to say right now just overly tired and exhausted after a long day and really need to try and rest as have another long day ahead of me tomorrow. Thanks for letting me rant I guess.

Melissa