Email.

[tweeter]

I will not give graphic descriptions of red dot material, or of the other things I will speak of. Some medical and sp. material included. I really don't know if Steam is the correct board for this post.

For about a year, starting in 2005, I did volunteer work at a store near where I used to live. I thought they were just some New Age Yoga religious thing, but they turned out to be a d*ng*r**s c*lt. I told them up front I wasn't interested in affiliating with a sp.organization. The store was pleasant and air conditioned. I worked a few hours a week on financial records. I innocently told person I worked for that they used the same energy in their massages to break up energy blockages as did martial artists. I had a couple of sessions, which worked. Eventually, I was invited to a special service at their church. As a sp. researcher, I did consider going, but Googled the person in charge and saw that he was ev*l, without a doubt. I told them it would be inappropriate for me to attend, and that I would be terminating my volunteer work at the store. This was politely done.

However, some time after, I was att*ck*d from behind (by touch) as I sat in a neighborhood coffee house. This sort of thing would not hold up in a court of law, and no one else was aware of what happened anyhow. It was the person I had worked for. I managed to get away and heal myself. I wrote to the manager that any further approaches in any way were not welcome by me. My tone was not polite. That was in 2006.

Have I come to h*rm because of them? Yes, but not in a manner that I would discuss here. I'm a good person, a monomind, not without flaws, but not rejecting myself in any way. I am concerned with certain aspects of the human condition, and my curiosity, modest abilities, and some poor choices, have gotten me into trouble more than once.
There's no help forthcoming, except for what I can find for myself, in myself. As a moderate individualist/iconoclast sort, I don't exactly win popularity contests. Besides, I would learn from the help given, even if that was unintended. In a word, I'm scr*w*d.

About an hour ago, I got an email. I'm on an in-house mailing list, from which I should have been removed. I probably was, and reinstated. It seems the person I worked with is critically ill. Can't say I care, given what they've done to me, which I had begged years ago for them to stop.

There are about 30 email addresses on this thing, and I figured I'd just block them, but it doesn't work that way. Further email from these m*nst*rs can be made to go to trash bin. I want it to be blocked (out of my sight), or rejected and returned to sender. I wrote to email place and asked what can be done? Like they're going to answer.
Sure, I can think of alternatives like changing my email addy. I don't want to do that. I have too much to do in too short a time now, and there's a lot involved. Besides, I have a lot invested in that name.... But, I might have to. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be contacted further. I will not answer.

My life has gone from p**nful to being at the tip of an abyss of chaos since the end of March (a traditionally very bad time for me for some reason). This includes a misdiagnosis which led to medicating me with something that made me more ill. Then I went to a dermatologist, who did a lot mess up my case, along with shall be say an unkindness that occurred during minor s*rg*ry to remove what he was trying to fool me into thinking was a skin tag, but which I was later told was biopsied as a wart. I'm not sure that is so either, and have doubts that the procedure was done properly. It is an increasing policy to play head games and lie to people over 65. I can't believe how I'm spoken to by medical professionals. I just let them talk. If they're not trustworthy and don't respect me as a human being, I want to know up front. The whole thing is so out of hand.
SP follows:
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It is my feeling that this world, universe, is in a h*ly war. This is coming from an atheist, of a complex kind. I've engaged something I don't understand. It's not a matter of political parties, or religion one-upmanship, or economic theories, or truth vs fantasy re terrorists, etc. It's something else.
Sometimes a voice of reason shows up in a newspaper, but it's drowned out. Life as we have known it is disappearing, replaced by war and bs buzz words. In my experience with the unknown, there is too much intent consciousness to be ignored.

I know I have to find my own way out.

Thank you,
tweeter

[tweeter]

I got a grip, and just finished putting a filter on about 30 email addresses. See how that works. I'm a bit unnerved, but I've come this far.
tweeter

[nats]

hi tweeter, glad you set up the filter. can understand not wanting to start over with a new email address even when it might help get rid of people for awhile.

[tweeter]

(05-20-2013, 06:03 AM)nats Wrote: hi tweeter, glad you set up the filter. can understand not wanting to start over with a new email address even when it might help get rid of people for awhile.

Hi. I don't know if you realize how computer illiterate I am. I eventually act in a state of the Zen of computer. In other words, I had no idea what to do and, as usual, found the instructions blurry. I don't relate well to the technological.
Seriously though, I had the fright of the contact, plus nerves that happen when I'm dealing with 'puters.

Thank you for your cheerful input. I needed that. The email itself, most of which I did not read, is just the tip of this iceberg.
I need to stop being scared, and to make myself inaccessible, which is more than a bit advanced. I haven't been able to get help with this.
Last time I asked was from a Master who said he had same fight on his hands, and I would have to find within myself what I needed. I said, in my endearing way (not), that he had completed the training, but I didn't have that advantage.... so how could he expect me to do this? The guy wanted to belt me, but we've known each other for a long time, and anger soon morphed into the usual benevolent indifference (nothing in it for him). The fact that he was willing to talk to me was an honor. So, I honor his wishes. As it turns out, I have been doing what he said after a fashion. It's not fast enough, but..... it's the only way.

very best wishes,
tweeter

[nats]

sometimes it's really hard to know what the right answer is, even when the right answer seems obvious there's sometimes another more correct answer behind it. sometimes we see it, sometimes we miss it. what any of us can do may not be enough but i still think it's worth doing.

[tweeter]

(05-20-2013, 04:57 PM)nats Wrote: sometimes it's really hard to know what the right answer is, even when the right answer seems obvious there's sometimes another more correct answer behind it. sometimes we see it, sometimes we miss it. what any of us can do may not be enough but i still think it's worth doing.

Worth doing for its own sake.
And, there was something in me that needed to be fixed (by me) in order to do anything further. The more I take care of myself emotionally, the less likely I am to give up too personal power, or allow it to be taken from me.

A big risk in the kind of help I require is that I could win the battle, and lose myself. I think the resulting wariness is warranted in many life situations. There needs to be a contract, boundaries, for what I've asked for. Because of my low status, I would not be considered entitled to this. And there, we have my answer.
tweeter

[MakersDozn]

tweeter,

Just letting you know that we've been reading.

MDs

[tweeter]

(05-21-2013, 06:11 PM)MakersDozn Wrote: tweeter,

Just letting you know that we've been reading.

MDs

That means a lot to me. Thank you.
tweeter

[finlyalive]

Ultimately, we are the only ones that can take back our own power. We are the masters of our universe. It is so difficult when we take a stand and then are so horribly taken advantage of. When we feel we have finally taken a step forward, we are knocked back. Still, personally, we have picked up our pieces and slowly moved on. While it may not be forward, it doesn't seem to be backward either. Each step you take to protect yourselves is taking back your power. That filter is so important in so many ways.

[tweeter]

"While it may not be forward, it doesn't seem to be backward either."

A couple of months ago, what you said here wouldn't have meant anything to me. I have compared the above state of being to treading water. My choices were treading or sinking.
For some reason, I'm at a point where I am going forward.

Whole thing could easily collapse, and I can't allow that. So, it seems that there is one's personal power inside, and what's going on out there. I think that your description of the former as a kind of filter is interesting, like viewing an eclipse with the correct eye protection. Going forward involves movement that incorporates a defense of sorts.

That's all I can put into words at this point. I needed to read what you said. Thank you.

tweeter

[finlyalive]

"I have compared the above state of being to treading water. My choices were treading or sinking"

Treading water would be an interesting comparison, but there are other possibilities as well. There are more ways to move than forward or backward. This shattered life has left parts in every direction, including those on either side and in-between. So many have left us in the ally and somehow, we've managed to move. Haven't we all managed to defy gravity somehow? How else could we possibly still be here?

[nats]

true, not all positive movement is necessarily forward. there are indeed many ways to move.

[tweeter]

Hi Fin,
You've communicated to me something outside of my experience, and illustrated it so I can comprehend it in terms of feelings. My personal experience is simpler because there's one of me.
The closest I get to what you refer to is in the experience of aging. It's when all of a sudden I'm treated like an old person, instead of like a person like anyone else. I realized this fully when a senior discount was given to me in a new food store, without asking my age first yesterday. I might feel ill, but I don't feel old inside, just a bit low in tread in my tires. There's what I am in my heart, and I'm not treated that way anymore. Kind of jarring.
tweeter

[tweeter]

(05-24-2013, 03:38 AM)nats Wrote: true, not all positive movement is necessarily forward. there are indeed many ways to move.

I'm perplexed. In terms of strategy, not generally my strong point, a positive move can be lateral, because one might become happier, or, in the stillness of preparation (the prep. is the positive move) for a change in status. What did you have in mind?

[nats]

(05-24-2013, 04:23 AM)tweeter Wrote: I'm perplexed. In terms of strategy, not generally my strong point, a positive move can be lateral, because one might become happier, or, in the stillness of preparation (the prep. is the positive move) for a change in status. What did you have in mind?

exactly that. sometimes the way forward is blocked, but sideways isn't and can even lead to further forward motion from another position (think of how the knight moves in chess). a step backwards can sometimes provide additional perspective or a chance to learn something previously missed. there is even the perspective that development is a spiral (e.g. coming back to the same point over and over but at a different level each time). my thoughts aren't well-formed on this, but in terms of strategy it is usually better to focus on the desired outcome more than on the path we're currently on to achieving it - then it becomes easier to see the many other possible paths that can be used to get there. sorry if this is too rambling..