Follow up-difficult discussion

[Tangled Web]

I had the hardest conversation with my T today. I said goodbye to her and it was one of the hardest thinghas I have had to do in a very long time. It was my choice to quit seeing her. I am at the point in my life where I am looking for answers and she didn't know how to help me. She tried and I made a huge amount of progress with her. She never hid the fact that she didn't know how to help me and has no experience with this. I thought it didn't matter but in the end it did. I saw her for 4 years. She left the door open for me to come back anytime. I started seeing this other therapist, who has over 20years of experience in dealing with trauma and dissociation. It was because of my old T I could go look for what I needed.
So today i said goodbye to my T who I saw for four years and I can't stop crying. I don't understand it. This was my choice to do this and even though I think it was for the best, I still can't stop crying. It feels like my heart is being ripped out and I don't understand. Why can't I stop crying?

[mosaic]

it sounds like you had a connection with your t - the end of a T relationship is a kind of loss when there was a connection. it makes sense to cry in that context.

we hope you can be gentle with yourself

[Tangled Web]

Thanks Mosaic. Never in my wildest dreams did I think anything would hurt this much.

[Katz Krew]

I've found every parting to be a loss regardless who decides it must be. Ive also found starting new with anyone to be nerve wracking and it takes time to find my footing again.

I'm so proud you were able to recognize and act on your needs. I find that it makes room for more growth and good things to come. Plus therapy is like peering an onion...one layer at a time. Good for you TW! That took guts!

<3
Jamie

[Tangled Web]

Thank you Jamie. I use that analogy all the time about peeling an onion and I agree totally with you. That is exactly what it is like. And starting with a new T is totally nerve racking.
TW

[nats]

Well done TW in recognising you'd gone as far as you could together and doing something about it. It seems like a good thing that you're crying about it - suggests you had a real connection and connection is good.

we also left our T this week, maybe post something about it later, but just wanted to send you best wishes for progress with the new T.

[orek]

(02-28-2013, 01:11 AM)Katz Krew Wrote: I've found every parting to be a loss regardless who decides it must be. Ive also found starting new with anyone to be nerve wracking and it takes time to find my footing again.

I'm so proud you were able to recognize and act on your needs. I find that it makes room for more growth and good things to come. Plus therapy is like peering an onion...one layer at a time. Good for you TW! That took guts!

<3
Jamie

I think Jamie put it wonderfully. Bravo for acting on your needs, and I hope you've been able to comfort yourselves rather than throwing "shoulds" at yourself around your feelings. They just are, and they make perfect sense. Hope this new T works out well. Take care.--orek

[Tangled Web]

Thanks Orek. I honestly don't know how to start over. It is so hard. Where do you start? It is like I know I have to get to her but so much crap is going on and I can't say anything about it because I don't know her and she doesn't know me. So I feel ............. I don't know .......... it is so hard.
TW

[orek]

Oh, no doubt it will take time to establish trust and new bonds. Hopefully there's a start to a good rapport and everyone's curiosity is peaked. But that's a long cry from feeling safe. Hang in there. Hopefully that will come! And it's not just down to you all to know where to start. The T is the expert and will help smooth out the way. Keep us posted.

[orek]

(03-01-2013, 04:59 AM)nats Wrote: Well done TW in recognising you'd gone as far as you could together and doing something about it. It seems like a good thing that you're crying about it - suggests you had a real connection and connection is good.

we also left our T this week, maybe post something about it later, but just wanted to send you best wishes for progress with the new T.

Aw, nats, sorry to hear your therapy ended, as well. I hope you do post about it and let us know what's going on and how you're doing with it. Take care.--orek

[The People]

Tangled Web I applaud you for making such a hard choice. It sounds as if you found safety in this person's office which is a building block for healing. That she was open and honest with you is great as so many pretend to know while they don't. Based on my experience it takes a while to stop the comparisons between the old T and the new one. But I hope that you are able to form a similar trust bond there as well. So that you continue down the growth path that you started in your safe place.

[nats]

(03-14-2013, 02:10 PM)orek Wrote: Aw, nats, sorry to hear your therapy ended, as well. I hope you do post about it and let us know what's going on and how you're doing with it. Take care.--orek

thanks orek, it's been odd b/c after spending 2-3hrs a week with this T for the past 5yrs the main thing we feel so far is a vague sense of relief. it's not that T was bad, we understand psychological responses and issues much better now. it just didn't help in the ways we hoped it would, which probably says as much about us as about the T process. T still wants to see us monthly, but not sure I can face it. we don't feel healed in any meaningful way but we also don't feel that re-engaging in T helps us. does this make any sense at all?

[Cammy]

Obviously you had a warm trusting connection with your old T. Leaving all that hurts. Starting new is hard. I'm going through similar. But we have to take care of ourselves and do what's best for us. You recognized this and made the move: a positive step forward. Sorry for the tears and the tender spots inside, but when is making any kind of progress ever easy? Sending you big comfort cyber HUGS. Don't forget to hug yourself.

[Cammy]

(03-17-2013, 05:57 AM)nats Wrote:

(03-14-2013, 02:10 PM)orek Wrote: Aw, nats, sorry to hear your therapy ended, as well. I hope you do post about it and let us know what's going on and how you're doing with it. Take care.--orek

thanks orek, it's been odd b/c after spending 2-3hrs a week with this T for the past 5yrs the main thing we feel so far is a vague sense of relief. it's not that T was bad, we understand psychological responses and issues much better now. it just didn't help in the ways we hoped it would, which probably says as much about us as about the T process. T still wants to see us monthly, but not sure I can face it. we don't feel healed in any meaningful way but we also don't feel that re-engaging in T helps us. does this make any sense at all?

Nats...a sense of relief really makes this sound like it was the right thing to do. Hope you can find someone who fits your needs better.

[Tangled Web]

(03-14-2013, 02:08 PM)orek Wrote: Oh, no doubt it will take time to establish trust and new bonds. Hopefully there's a start to a good rapport and everyone's curiosity is peaked. But that's a long cry from feeling safe. Hang in there. Hopefully that will come! And it's not just down to you all to know where to start. The T is the expert and will help smooth out the way. Keep us posted.

Hi Orek. First I would like to tell you how much I have missed you!
and then I think I am going to respond to everyone below in one post instead of several little ones.
I am so glad you are back Orek.