Loss

[ELL]

I feel a bit funny posting here since I'm a completely new member to Mosaic Minds, and this forum has nothing in it and my post will be the first. But I guess I'll go ahead anyway.

In January of this year our father died. He was a really good Dad, and we miss him terribly. I've spent the past four months dissociating a lot from the reality of his death. I'll do just about anything other than think about the fact that he's gone, and my system mates are the same way. I know it's not healthy but I'm afraid to let go and feel the emotion because I don't know how far it'll take us, or if we'll come back from it.

That sounds really stupid when I type it out, but that's the fear. What if we start crying and never stop? Because it feels like a never stop sort of thing.

He really was a good Dad.

Sassy

[mosaic]

it took a lot of courage for you to post here as a brand new member, and to post about something so personal and painful.

(and welcome to mosaic minds)

it's so hard to deal with that kind of loss. i know when a hurt is that intense it feels like it will never end, and the fear of never being able to stop crying is strong.

we don't know enough to know what kind of support network you have so we hope you will be patient with our thoughts here...

do you have a t you can talk to about it? it might be worth looking in to if you don't. sometimes people go to t just for that reason - to get help dealing with such a huge loss.

again, welcome to mosaic minds, and we hope you can feel that you are not alone now.

[Kathleen]

(05-26-2012, 08:46 AM)ELL Wrote: I know it's not healthy but I'm afraid to let go and feel the emotion because I don't know how far it'll take us, or if we'll come back from it.

I recognize that fear. I can't possibly let myself feel that because I will never stop feeling it. My partner had that fear about her anger: that if she let herself recognize it and feel it, it would burn her up. Scary.

I think feelings are important indicators, but they are not the Truth ™. They are indicators for us. In this case, an indicator of how much you cared for your data and how much you will miss him. And it's very strong. Grief is one of the hardest feelings because it doesn't really ever "get fixed". He can't come back. So you will feel it and it will be very strong, and it will come back, like waves. The feelings will be stronger sometimes, and smaller other times.

In the Jewish culture, people sit shiva for an entire week to mourn. It is recognizing that this kind of loss is just that big.

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you have some kind of support system to accompany you through it.

Welcome to Mosaic Minds

[Tangled Web]

(05-26-2012, 08:46 AM)ELL Wrote: I feel a bit funny posting here since I'm a completely new member to Mosaic Minds, and this forum has nothing in it and my post will be the first. But I guess I'll go ahead anyway.

In January of this year our father died. He was a really good Dad, and we miss him terribly. I've spent the past four months dissociating a lot from the reality of his death. I'll do just about anything other than think about the fact that he's gone, and my system mates are the same way. I know it's not healthy but I'm afraid to let go and feel the emotion because I don't know how far it'll take us, or if we'll come back from it.

That sounds really stupid when I type it out, but that's the fear. What if we start crying and never stop? Because it feels like a never stop sort of thing.

He really was a good Dad.

Sassy

Hi ELL and welcome to Mosiac Minds.
My Dad died a couple of years ago, but some days it just feels like yesterday. I know the feeling of being afraid of crying and never stopping. I find that it just comes out in little spurts. I still have a hard time dealing with it at times. I do believe Grief is a process with many different stages. I was in the anger stage for very long time and sometimes I still get stuck there, I guess that is because for me anger was always safer to express than hurt or pain.
Maybe if you have someone close to you, you can try to let go a little bit with them and see if they can help you through it. The first time is always the scariest because of the feelings.......

Sitting with you.
Offering a fuzzy blanket and hot cup of tea.....if you drink that sort of thing.

[ELL]

Wow, thank you for all the support! I didn't expect quite so many people would respond so quickly, and I really appreciate it.

We do have a support group here in meatspace, but I don't think we've used it that much. Afraid of letting everything loose, blah blah blah.

We'll just keep on keepin' on, and get through it as best we can. It was good to have a place to write about it, though. I'm glad the new forums are here.

Sassy

[The Warren]

I hope you don't mind we're quiet here, cuz we talk to you everyday.

*hugs*

[Unicorns]

Hi Ell,

I don't think we've met yet, so it's nice to meet you.

I'm so sorry for your loss.