Too much anger

[The People]

Over the last few days we have had lava of anger spreading around us. Part of it came from the book. I see I posted below. I just decided that I didn't want to do it. Why bother. I stupidly watched Dr. Phil yesterday. It was a rerun. The woman was very delusional. I thought it was cruel of him to bring her on there just to make a mockery out of her. She had this idea that her father made sex tapes with her after getting her to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

I am listening to this and thinking of my book. Who the hell will believe me? If any of my family read it they would deny it although my plan was to use a pseudonym. The people who were supposed to help me (my T and another person) never got to it. I tried to tell T she didn't have time. She cancelled last week stating that she was sick. I think she just didn't get to the reading. Or all of it. I have always trusted her but latele...

I also got angry with something else. I never used to let people come into my home. I let that change lately. This despite the fact that I am still a very messy housekeeper.

Contrary to that expression 'they come to see you, not your house' those who come, judge. So last night I got fed up. One woman was babbling away and she called my house 'dirty.' Well f*ck her! I have been trying to keep things better. My bathroom is cleaned at least every few days although it draws in dust like a hoover vacuum. The rest of the house is the same.I dust and it is back. I bring home groceries in carry bags and they end up being left. Another visitor said she couldn't stand it any longer and got up to tidy one night. There is a whole long story to go with that but why bother.

When my visiting cat's parents drop her ooff they look at the piles of papers that never get put away. They don't say anything but look very confused. My furniture is old and banged up. I used to have really nice stuff but over the years everything got ruined from floods and bedbugs and 8 moves. I think I just gave up. I try and suddenly I look around and everything is just as it was.

But why come if it drives you crazy/ Just f*ck off.

[mosaic]

i don't even like people coming over to my house because i know it is a mess. it is cluttered and dirty. i can't keep up with it, and i gave up a long time ago. having extra people in the house only makes it worse. sadly, i did not learn to keep a tidy house from my m*m, and i was unable to learn how on my own and so wasn't able to teach my daughter, and she hasn't been able to teach her kids and .... on it goes.

i would be so totally embarrassed and even ashamed if a visitor to my house did what those two did at your house. that's one reason why i don't invite people over.

[The People]

I find that survivors go one way or another. Eitherobsessively clean or terribly messy. We were taught some aspects of cleaning from the mother. But I remember other things we did that we learned from tv. Like washing the floors. Swabbing the deck. I don't ever remember people wringing out mops on TV. So we did as they did. The dining room floor was underwater and I was in trouble. Now I use the things advertised on TV. A wet mop.

Your daughter cannot blame you for not knowing how to clean. She is a grown-up who can teach herself. Maybe the 5 of you can take up challenges or something. The granddaughters won't be keen of course so if it is a new process it may take some bribery. However, it is never too late to learn.

[phoenix22]

I hate people coming to my house too but think this is more to do with a kind of obsessional need for privacy than anything else.
My mother was so OCD about cleaning...she made our lives a misery tbh and I vowed when my children were small never to be like that..they could get their toys out etc..not live in the sterile soulless environment I grew up in.
My sister and brother turned out like my mother..they are OCD too..and must look at me as if I'm lazy . I've come to terms with this. My house is never dirty but is lived in..by me and my lovely dog and my many houseplants and anything else I can rescue..
I think this is a better way to live.

[The People]

Yes, I think I will go back to meeting out. When things open up.