How to handle this

[The People]

I belong to a coffee group. I had to miss a few groups and didn't want to go tonight as it is cold out there. I was late in cancelling and once that was done I realized why I didn't want to go.

I met a woman in the group. She drove me home a few times and then she texted one day stating that she was in the area and wanted to drop by. Weird? I say no thank you and a week later. She told me that she forgot blah blah blah and that she does love me. I have never been so uncomfortable.


She was doing all of this Christian talk with someone and yet she was mocking the Filipino staff at the General Hospital (senior hospital). The Alberta Health Care System would not survive without the hard work of these immigrants and I detest prejudice; especially from a pretend Christian.

I don't think she was coming on to me. Regardless she is one mixed up woman. Her son died a few years ago(adult) and while I have sympathy for that I am not comfortable with her. She has no boundaries. But I like the group! She didn't sign up for tonight but I don't want to run into her again. She probably loves everybody but anyone who has been around for a long time knows how I used to freak if the word hug was mentioned.

I cannot say "you bug me". I just feel like going for a shower after talking with her. OMG! I have had times when the boundary snaps popped but....And then I feel guilty because I doubt if she has many friends. Opinions?

[mosaic]

that does sound very uncomfortable. i'm trying to put myself in that situation to see what i would do, and i am flummoxed. i would hope that i could establish my boundaries with her... but i would want to not see her at all.

you have to weigh which is greater - your desire to be in the group, or your revulsion at her. if you want to be in the group is there a way to decline offers to give you rides home, etc. to minimize contact with her? can you call her on it when she is mocking others? i know that would be really hard for me - i hate the possibility of confrontation. and at the same time i would be uncomfortable with someone being so prejudicial.

i am not a good advice giver... i've more likely just given things to ponder.

[nats]

would want to avoid her too. agreeing with mosaic, which is more important going to the group or avoiding her? if you choose to go, aim to be compassionate (i.e. not mean), but very clear inflexible boundaries (e.g. avoid rides, say 'it's not OK to say bigoted things about people who contribute to our economy..'). obviously, suggestions only and do what you think is right people stuff is always difficult...

[The People]

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD, BUT HERE IN aLBERTA fILIPINO cANADIANS ADD A GREAT DEAL TO OUR WORK FORCE. THEY TAKE JOBS THAT NOBODY ELSE WILL TAKE. JOBS LIKE WORKING AS AN AID FOR SENIORS AND STANDING ON THEIR FEET FOR 8 HOURS A DAY SERVING COFFEE AT TIM HORTON'S. NOT THAT THEY HAVE MORE RIGHT FOR RESPECT THAN OTHER CULTURES BUT THEY HAVE AN EQUAL RIGHT. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS CRAP.

SHE MAY HAVE STOPPED ATTENDING. THE ONLY REASON I TOOK RIDES FROM HER IS BECAUSE OF INJURIES. I NEED TOWALK MORE AND THE DISTANCE TO THE COFFEE SHOP IS JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH. I DON'T HAVE A GREAT SOCIAL LIFE SO THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

SORRY FOR THE CAPS. MY CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.I CANNOTAFFORD A WHOLE NEW COMPUTER BUT IMAVE HAVE TO PUCHASE A PLUG IN KEY BOARD. MY SPACEBAR HAS BEEN STICKING FOR A WHILE.

[nats]

a bit of healthy exercise and some company sound like good reasons to continue.

[The People]

Will be going back tomorrow ladies. I cannot allow someone to scare me away from a night out.

[mosaic]

good for you.i admire you so much.