Therapist Is Leaving

[Shadows]

I'm so upset. We are so upset. I don't know how to handle this and I don't know what to do and I'm so upset that I even trusted her at all.

Everyone is in chaos. It's even worse because she somehow forgot that we won't even be in town for the next month and this was our last meeting with her before we leave.

[nats]

oh that's horrible. so this is the last time you ever get to see her and you didn't know ahead of time? so sorry Shadows, that's just so difficult to deal with.

it's a set-back, but don't give up. this journey is your own. has she made any suggestions for a referral or someone to take her place?

[mosaic]

oh shadows that is the worst. we echo nats - don't give up. she definitely should have at least given you some names of other t's to check out.

[Cammy]

Shadows: I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Of all people, your therapist should know how sensitive we are to change, trust, and issues of abandonment. I can't imagine what situation would have created this sudden need for her to leave, unless something profoundly unforeseen happened in her life. I would hate for you to find out that she simply got offered a really good position, and just packed up and left. So much for trust and loyalty. If it were me, I would definitely be sending her a letter, and telling her that at the very LEAST could she please give you a referral to someone comparable so that at least someone gets your file and a verbal consult from the one T to the other. Even if you don't stay with the new T, at least there is SOME continuity in your case file.

I have lost four major health and mental health care professionals over the past year and it has just been too much. My main tower of strength and support was so suicidally depressed and PTSD'd that he couldn't continue being a doctor any longer. Then my psychiatrist retired, earlier than he said he was - I'll never be able to replace him at all. I also lost my dentist that I've had for decades, and since then no one has been able to freeze my mouth, so my teeth are messed up bad right now. My old dentist knew about the DID and somehow he managed to get it to freeze. Then I lost my second doctor and I was fit to be tied. When doctor MD #1 left he had the decency to send out letters and a referral to a replacement.

Your situation makes me feel like there is a possible case for abandonment here. I would consider reporting the incident to whatever professional college she is registered with. It is NOT cool to do what she is doing, and I don't think that it is considered ethical by college standards. I am fairly well aware of the criteria for patient abandonment for MEDICAL patients, but I don't know a thing about mental health patients. However, on the surface, it seems to me that she might possibly be guilty of patient abandonment, especially if she's leaving without warning and without a referral. You may be entitled to some kind of compensation or relief of some sort. This would involve going to the website for her professional body (registrar/college) and looking at their regulations. This will give you a good idea of where you stand legally. I know you are likely extremely upset right now, but if possible, do not let her get away with this if she's violated her college's code of conduct.

Again, Shadows, I am SO sorry about this. I really do know how horrible it feels to be discarded in this manner - and that's exactly what it felt like when it happened to me, I felt 'discarded' like a piece of garbage. Honestly, someone in her profession should know better. At the very least, whether it is required code of conduct or not, she could have told you or written you, and then provided a list of alternative therapists who are accepting patients. This whole thing feels so incredibly unprofessional, which makes me wonder if she didn't have some kind of big personal emergency in her private life. Still, that doesn't make it right. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing. Perhaps something is forthcoming that explains things and sets them a bit more right.

Big psychic hugs. Cammy.

[Shadows]

I'm feeling less panicked now but things are still chaotic. She sent referalls, but since we are headed out of town, there isn't a whole lot that we can do with that info until we get back, since we can't meet with anyone until then. So we are in limbo at that is the hardest thing of all for us. Also, we can't seem to keep a therapist around, lots of the same sort of situation like this in the last few years. So we have done this before, and that is what makes it the hardest, because we already know how bad things can get.

[Cammy]

Shadows: Is there anything or anyone that you can use as a kind of anchor until a new therapist is realized (knowing that the whole process of getting a new therapist is stress central in itself + starting all over with a new person)? Only you know better than anyone how you can best cope. Sometimes if this involves temporarily going on meds or something similar to tie you over might be one of the things to consider. Being left to fend for yourself is obviously not a viable option for you. Even though you are going out of town is it possible for you to contact anyone on the referral list and at least make sure that you have an appointment waiting for you as soon as you get back? I'm just thinking that getting in for an appointment takes time, and once you get back if you still have to wait even longer that would not be good. It's just a thought. I know for myself knowing that I have an appointment date has helped me hang in there until the appointment. I realize it's just a psychological trick that we play on ourselves, but it has worked for me in the past.

I hope you are going to be okay. If things start going south on you, that's usually a prime time for pulling in favors and reaching out to whatever support system you have or can temporarily construct for yourself. I know that in one instance I simply had no choice but to pack myself off to emergency and get a prescription to keep myself glued together until I could connect with a therapist. It wasn't ideal by any means, but it worked well enough to keep me relatively safe. I also recall that I was offered temporary psychological consult services - definitely not ideal, but it kept the wolf from the door. I didn't discuss our DID, since this has wrought so many bad reactions from professionals in the past, but I was able at least to talk to someone about immediate emotional issues. There's just nothing simple about being a multiple in this type of situation.

[Shadows]

I made some calls yesterday but nothing has realized yet. I'll make more calls today. I'm trying to exercise lots and focus on the present rather than catastrophic ing but it's hard. We really liked this therapist and we would have planned to say goodbye in the last session if we had known.

I'm not on any meds and I don't know what meds might even help. And where we are from we would trust the ER or emergency psych services, but not where we are right now - too scary of a ace to think that we would be treated well if we needed to go in.

That's part of the hard part, that we are travelling, so we don't have the people around that we usually could rely on in a hard time.

[nats]

trust yourselves. we multiples are organised to get through tough times - we're just not always as good at the day to day stuff! focusing on exercising and not catastrophizing sounds very positive.

[Cammy]

I promise that this is my last suggestion: Would it help you at all to get a nice note or card to your therapist to voice your appreciation? Would it also help if you could arrange a short phone session to say goodbye? Just thoughts. I promise I won't pester you with this any further. I'm just concerned for you.

[Shadows]

We managed to set up an appointment for mid-July, so that's good to have on the books. We also sent lists of questions to this new therapist, and we liked their answers, so that's good, too.

We had a meltdown last night, but mostly we are holding it together. The good news is that even though we've been uoset and in chaos nothing really bad has happened and no one has been physically hurt, which is sometimes a problem with chaos. So we are okay.

Cammy, we like your idea of a note or an art project; we have been working on one and think that it will help us say goodbye.

[just peachy]

hi shadows I was just thinking about u lately and something u posted I was curious u said u live in devon where is that country located ? its not located in the us right ? I was curious and wondering u said u were worried about losing Medicaid and your counselor I don't get it your not living in the united states so it wouldn't affect u right..cuz trump only has power over u nited states not any foreign countries when it comes to Medicaid ..I live in united states so it would be similar to me worrying about china s health insurance affecting me which it doesn't ...I know u said u lived in texas before does your insurance carry over to a foreign country is that what u referring to ... needn't worry I have Medicaid and they cant just cut it quickly or instantly cuz if they do cut it, it will take a long time to take it into affect ..from the previous president Obama what he said and how long he signed it for ..besides its not trump that's the problem sadly it is the opposing votes in congress which is the democrats which only needs 2 opposing democrat votes and they got 4 votes ..I was watching a protest on the internet.. mostly wont pass cause low income handicap working people r fighting with advocates about how the Medicaid cuts would prevent them from working cause they r in wheel chairs and slightly slowed mentally ... they said they would be forced in group homes to save money on Medicaid which is against the americans disabilities act ...they blocked mitch mconnels office last week so I bet u from experience someone will fight on behalf of these peoples rights very sad situation notice they keep stalling cuz they don't want a bigger mess then Obama care ...just thought I would mention all this to re assure u ... first I was worried not now after last week when they carried these people away from mitch mconnells office ..the police did out of the building and with out there wheel chairs onto the street that in it self is illegal .cops aren't medically trained to carry paralyzed people outside with out there chairs ...nor should they even be doing that ...thanks just peachy

[Shadows]

Hi Just Peachy,

We don't remember saying that we lived in the UK, but who knows if we did. We are in the US, which is why the Medicaid thing is really scary for us. We are finally back and going to see the new therapist this week, so hopefully it goes well. It is just hard as we don't know how to handle the transition and I'm not sure all the little ones even know about it and I'm not sure how to get them to know.

[just peachy]

hi shadows sorry about the country mix up ..I don t know why but I thought you said that you used to live in texas before and that you live in devon now .. I probably was reading a different post and somehow mixed up the names and locations ...I have one of those free Obama cell phones and I live in the U.S went to get it renewed and updated ..and the worker renewing it said that Obama signed it in to effect for 5 years so trump cant change that for 5 yrs .. now as far as the health insurance goes your work place has to provide you with insurance ,that's what I was told when I worked ...by the place of employment ..no worries he cant just knock that off right away ..he has to get c ongress to agree and that aint happening anytime soon just picture all the legal suits against him just by disabled people if he tries to let it pass ... and as for the counseling stuff don't waste any time worrying cuz it may not ever happen what we are worrying about so it is basically just taken up a lot of wasted space in our heads. worrying about something that may not happen ... just peachy

[Cammy]

Shadows: I'm glad to hear that you are kind of holding it together and that the new T is looking promising. It's not ideal by any means, but it could be worse in that you could have found no one at all to go to. Sorry about the meltdown - try to go easy on yourself until you can get to the T. We've got to keep you in one piece to get to the new T. Hang in there as best as you can and try to focus on things that ground you.

[just peachy]

hi shadows its just peachy here did u go to new T YET IF U DID HOW DID IT GO ...I AM SO NERVOUS I AM ON A WAITING LIST TO GET A NEW T I HAVENT HAD ONE IN YEARS .I REALLY NEED ONE I AM RETIRED ON DISABILITY AFTER WORKING 27 YEARS ...I AM STILL DOING SO POORLY DEALING WITH THE DID ...DOES THE T HAVE ANY DID KNOWLEGE.HOPE SO THATS IMPORTANT ,.I AM WRITING IN CAP LETTERS NEED GLASSES HARD TO SEEE LETTERS TO ..HOPE I CAN GET HEM SOON