Into Despair Again...

[rainbows]

Today is M-----r's Bday. She se murio' many yrs ago. Also is important SR holiday.
It took only one sentence to plunge us into that horrible pit of sad/loss/depression/despair.
Thot it was gone. Thot we were past it - never to feel that horror again.
Not so.
Guess we will never be rid of it. And never know when we will get trapped in it again.
Came so close to SI again. But we did not.
No T to help. So alone. Sometimes I can't find God.
The evilones have taken everything from me. I was robbed bfre i was ever born.
hurting rainbows

[nats]

so sorry rainbows. sitting with you if you want..

[Tangled Web]

We are also sorry you are going though this. Sending you blue flowers

[rainbows]

Thank You.
We are Better today.
Guess we will never be free of that BIG FEELINGS trap.
Maybe we should have done something - I don't know what - to protect us cuz we know it's a Danger Day.
I wonder are we supposed to do something....?
from rainbows

[Tangled Web]

when days like are approaching we plans things to busy us for the anniversary day whenever possible. It works mostly. We also have this kind of built mechanism that is hard to explain but we generally don't go by the number of the day in a calendar, we just go on the day of week like Monday, Tuesday etc. Anniversary dates has become much better to manage this way and often times they pass right by us without us noticing.

[rainbows]

Well, we never know if the date will affect us or not cuz abt half the times it can pass by and we do not even notice it.
We don't think of it.
But this time, it was different cuz it was triggered by one sentence ( don't even remember what it was...).
Usually when it gets real bad for us we escape into a book - fantasy adventure - so it is a different world.
We could not do it this time. I dont know why it was so different.
Anything like this ever happen to yous ?
For us, it is scarey when something big changes an we don't know why.
Thank You.
from rainbows

[Tangled Web]

Yes there have been times for us when this has happened also. Generally we have a fairly good control over of what triggers us but there are times when something will hit us out of the blue that leaves us in scrambling and sends us into chaos. We have figured that this mostly happens when we are trying to work on something and our walls have become thinner. Also when others are closer to the front that are not normally there. Sometimes we are able to figure out what or why things have changed or bothered us so much that time but sometimes we aren't. It is scary for us also when something big changes and we don't know why. There is a panic that will run through us at full force when we start doing our usual "tricks" or strategies that usually work to help ground us and nothing will work............But we do know that even though it is hell going through it at the time, it usually does pass and things will get better. Our only wish is that when it is happening, we would remember/believe that when we were going through it.
We are glad that you are doing better now.
TW

[rainbows]

Thank You TW for sharing this cuz we never know if it is just us or do other Multies go thru these things also.

We are not able to have a successful friendship in 3D. Cuz we switch too much and Monominds do not understand.
They think " crazy,weird,unreasonable,too different..." At least this is the reaction we get.
I guess we cannot blame anybody cuz maybe if we were Monomind how could we fathom what it is to be Multie.
But it is so lonely sometimes. But anyway, our Parts are our Family now.
And there is here at MM.
Thank You.
from rainbows