self sabotage

[The People]

today started off so good. but went down hill from there which I should have expected. On my way to pdoc got a letter in mail. says iothem over $100 for unpaid parking ticket. i remember the day as i avoid paid parking. i was early for a change. went out to get in car. guy was just finishing a ticket. said he cancelled it and walked away. now this statement where iothem $102.

went to pdoc. make up session as she cancelled earlier this week. family sh*t. only i got time wrong which was bad timing.

so mad. went for pizza and wine, as if i could afford it.

walking home head held high. tripped over a f*ck*ng speed bump just before home. hand and leg ratched to sh*t.

do you do this? self sabotage?

oh i forgot., nobody talks here anymore. i think i need to get my hand checked as it hurts like hell.

and i have been trying to help a guy which was working but now it is not. he owes me money so from now on pay in advance. he is as broke as i am but he had these f*ck*ng cars on his yard he can sell. my old pieca sh*t s '99 ford until i can afford better that costs me more than anything. only if i sell it i feel like i went back 30 years when i had nothing.

[nats]

from what i've seen, almost everyone self-sabotages in some way or another. most never realise and it doesn't affect them much. then there are the ones so screamingly obvious that you wonder how they survive at all. it is such a weird thing, b/c we all do it but seldom know why..

[MakersDozn]

We know we do it. We do things that we know are in our best interest to stop doing and/or not do at all. It's a struggle. We have such high expectations of ourselves because others always had such high expectations of us.

MDs