Pulled left, right n centre

[Blue]

Our host, Angel, and Lila share

Spoiler

some real bad memories

and are getting

Spoiler

real bad flashbacks

. It's really hard to witness. And the problem is, they both want me to be there at the same time. Lila wants me on the inside to comfort her and Angel wants me in the body all the time so that she doesn't have to deal with things. Unfortunately, i can't be in 2 places at the same time. Today Angel came out to go see a friend. Angel finds it very difficult to go anywhere alone so i usually take the body to her destination and then hand back to her once someone is with us and when they leave i take control again so that she doesn't panic. But unfortunately, when the friend left today i was dealing with Lila who was

Spoiler

suffering a serious flash back

and i didn't get back in time. Angel

Spoiler

suffered a huge panic attack

but managed to ring our psychologist. I feel real guilty that i can't be there for both of them at the same time. But what can i do? Eventually i managed to comfort Lila and so took control of the body again relieving Angel from her woes.
Blue.

[dragonfairy]

Blue,

Sounds to me like you are really stuck between a rock and a hard spot so to speak. As your host is really dependent on you to help her through difficult times to do things. But at the same time you have a little one on the inside that really struggles with needing you to comfort her in order to manage as well.

My question then to you is do you have others inside that you can begin to work with in order to help during these times of crisis. This is how our system started out in the begining. We all had different "jobs" so to speak and none of us really worked together as a team/family but just coexisted in the same space.

The problem with that is in the end usually only one or two insiders were getting burned out as they were the ones that were constantly dependent on to help the host as well as the others inside. Honestly that in the end cause us tons and tons of issues. I am not saying that it will in your system I am just explaining that it did in ours.

Eventually we had to find a way to work together in order to get everyone's needs met as well as our own in order to survive as it is not fair that just one or two carry the load so to speak. That is why we started to pair people up together in order to help each other during times of crisis.

As for the host we had to remind ours that not just one of us helped her to make it through as a child. We all were "made" because we helped her through to adulthood. So therefor we all are capable of helping her now. Some more than others are better at different situations. And some well we have found are not allowed to host for a variety of different reasons. But none the less we have to work as a team or the whole system crashes and burns.

I know from what I/we have read you right now are still a small system and may always be but there are still more than just you Blue and you can not be the only one to carry the burden or helping your host. She has to learn to depend on herself, as well as you at times, and who knows in time maybe even Sarah and others.

You would be surprised at how strong the children can even be at times when they truly need to be. We used to keep ours in at all times thinking we had to protect them from the world 24/7 after our childhood and they have really surprised us in the end. H*ll Julia can come out and act more of an adult then some of our teens and you would never even know it. So don't under estimate some of your other ones inside and learn to try to talk to them and trust them more. Encourage your host to do the same is my advice for what it is worth.

As we have learned to work together we have found that we are more at peace with ourselves and we function much better as a whole. We have no need to want to intergrate as some system do. We simply are happy the way we are and for the most part work together as a complete system to help each other. Not saying we don't disagree and fight because like with any true family we surely do. But that is all part of being DID and learning to live with it daily.

And taking care of the inside kids is the biggest part of it all as they are the ones that need us the most to be honest. They are the ones that need someone to have a voice for them now as they surely didn't have one back then. As big and bad a** as I may be I am the biggest advocate for our little ones inside besides Leah! No one will ever take their voice away again and anyone who tries will have to kill me first. So you keep on what you are doing for Lila as I respect you more than you know for that one!

Well that is my two cents worth and I hope I didn't ramble to much or annoy you. Damn I almost sounded normal. What the h*ll got into me..lmao

Katie

[Blue]

Cheers for the advice Katie. I'll bear in mind what you've said. And no you didn't annoy me. Been tryin to get Sarah to help me with the little ones but unfortunately Lila only wants me. I'm strugglin to find a "role" for Sarah if I'm honest. She's just too damn mischievous!
Blue.

[dragonfairy]

Blue,

I am going to send you a private message if you don't mind as I have a few things to say and don't want everyone else to read what I have to say as it is private!

Katie

[Blue]

Go ahead Katie.
Blue.