Today could be a beaut

[tweeter]

Woke up to technical chaos. TV couldn't get a signal, land line not operational, computer couldn't connect to server even though there was apparently an internet connection.
As of now, computer is functional and land line is working. TV probably needs a reset, which I can call the company to walk me thru.

Yesterday Norton was giving an error notice that they couldn't fix automatically in either of the two ways indicated. Possible reason I got (not me personally, but a general indication noted) for the problem could have been internet connection. Well, it has been sporadically intermittent. I might trot over to Time Warner today (a customer service office is nearby) and report this, along with talking about their fkd up billing. Yeah, phone, computer and TV is all theirs.

I was testing land line by calling from my cell. I have caller ID on LL. FM pays for my cell via a family plan, which includes BF. Well, I happen to have an old bill from Massachusetts (before BF in the plan). User Name for all cell numbers was FM. So, when I call someone, his name is given as caller, not mine. No wonder I get such confused responses. I wrote to him today about this. I felt good that I was able to write that I don't expect that BF would have FM's name come up when he places a call.

By the way, fm is very resistant to my having my own identity in any way (though he now claims otherwise -- classic passive aggressive, and worse).

Sorry, I've had an awful month in a pretty much awful life.

Devoting this weekend to preparing papers for legal name change.

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[tweeter]

TV working thanks to fm telling me what to do over the phone. Sometimes he's very nice. Other times, not.

In the midst of a life change. Toes hurt. Yet, I seem to be where I belong. Where next.

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[mosaic]

You're dealing with all kinds of changes. I hope you can find the help you are seeking, and a measure of peace.

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(08-31-2012, 04:35 PM)mosaic Wrote: You're dealing with all kinds of changes. I hope you can find the help you are seeking, and a measure of peace.

That's true. A lot is coming together.
I've been drawing parallels between fm and my m*th*r. Both don't/didn't like me as I am and sought to destroy my personal identity, while denying that vehemently. It takes time. A comment here and there from a person losing his hold -- in response to my name change intent, and the whole train incident that changed my life.
The results of the first part of the processing (choosing a new name reflecting my inborn, developed identity as a woman) are beautiful. I'm feeling them in everyday life. I know how that came to be suppressed. I've long remembered what my m*th*r said once, and what fm said last year made a connection to that which got the wheels turning.

I've been examining my past behaviors and some things I wrote to trainman. I still write to him, though not frequently. He is the one who tipped the scales, and who made it impossible for me to continue as I had, because of my feelings for him, because my own being was throwing off the shackles of fm's purposely unclear expectations, which came to amplify the effects of my mother's negative introject, as his behavior got worse. I have come to realize that a negative introject can be expressed via the inner child.
I'm going to post now, and continue in a new thread. My computer has a tendency to burp and lose posts here when they get long. It happened with my first attempt at answering your post. When I thought about it, it seemed a good idea to divide the topic.