So often people go looking for birth family

[The People]

especially wanting the Dads that they never had. they thought he would protect them. Do you ever feel like telling these people, "maybe you were better off without him?" Because we hear of people who went looking and found good but there are so many others who are disappointed. As well, look at so many of us! It was their job to keep us safe but they didn't. I watch the happy ending stories and wish I was adopted. I look at my large family, most of whom don't talk with me because I spoke the truth. I wouldn't wish them on anybody. I feel rather guilty for saying that but... why would I want to punish them by saying "hey, you are a @#$%^"

I also know people who were adopted. It was no better.

[phoenix22]

Its taken me over 60 yrs to understand my family were not only awful but uninterested in me when small. Both parents,both grandparents,aunts etc seemed "Unable" to help me..and looking back and being both a mother and grandmother I still find this unforgivable . I can remember thinking my "true family" must be somewhere...but the truth was I was living with them.
I stopped feeling guilty about thinking they were crap as slowly memories return.

[The People]

Coincidentally I was watching Grey's Anatomy and a follow up to this came up. Feeling guilty because of what was done to us. The woman felt shame because her disgusting mother pulled her hand away when the child was sitting next to her.

So many of us feel ashamed and embarrassed and so many other feelings that we try to repress. And fail, especially in the early years of recovery. The self-blame. It must have been our fault, especially if we had more than one b@stard or b!tch messing us up. Part of healing is finally recognizing that none of it was our fault.