Jealousy?

[Cammy]

I realized today that I am a bit jealous of both my husband's new therapist and the clergy who have taken him under their wing and are having great success with psychological breakthroughs. This is childish, but I feel left behind. I feel like I got him to the place where he could feel safe enough to even talk to someone else about this, and now it seems like he only talks to them. Am I jealous? Really? I should be happy that he is releasing the pain that has been choking him his entire life - that little boy inside of him that needs validation and healing. So what in the name of STUPID is my problem? I guess I feel like so much of this is my work, my effort, my building the trust to make all of this possible, and now that the little bird has grown feathers and is learning to fly on its own, I don't like it all of a sudden. OMg - that is SO selfish of me! I'm terrible. Fortunately I have kept all of this petty crap to myself and that's where it will stay, but I am kind of shocked at my possessiveness. It almost has the feel of not wanting to share my toys with anyone else. It's times like this when I feel like I am a minion - a four-eyed geek minion. Oh well, I guess my two and three year olds are well and thriving within me. I feel like such a dipstick, but I can't help it.

[mosaic]

it makes sense to me that you are having troubling feelings... you as a system have gone through a huge, major shift recently that was not experienced as positive, and your husband is making all sorts of positive strides.

you are in need of validation and healing also and so seeing him receiving what you are also needing could bring up feelings of jealousy.

be kind to yourselves. judging yourself harshly for these feelings doesn't appear to help you feel better.

[The People]

Your time will come if you keep working at it. Yes your husband is fortunate that he has found people that he trusts. However, while you are connected by marriage and a condition you are not cut from the same cloth. You have him. As Mosaic said you have been through major internal changes. Often that can be followed by breakthroughs but give it time.

When the body was in child form we played hopscotch. Everyone would have their own stone and some got through the pattern faster than others. Life is a game of hopscotch. Find a stone to hold onto until you find a support system.