Anger

[The People]

My anger has always been an issue. Since we were hitting puberty it slowly started to evolve. Once we got out from under the thumb of the parents it got worse. Sometimes we had a right to be annoyed with a friend but never had the words for it. Not the right words anyway.

Over the years it got worse. It waxes and wanes now. We don't get mad at professionals because they have earned our trust but we have driven away friends because of it. (Well sometimes we walked away because we had a right to be angry but not the words to express it)

Yesterday we were watching one of Oprah's shows. She wasn't on it. But a woman was working with 3 generations of a family where there was physical hurt but mostly emotional. They showed 3 generations. How the grandmother had hurt from her childhood and passed it on to her daughter as she never had a chance to deal with it on her own. Now the daughter is passing it on. Because she had all of these emotions that she couldn't cope with and they came out as anger. She wanted to be respected but that is a 2 way street.

Of course this weekend session was not enough for the family. It is ingrained in the other and grandmother. They aren't going for help. The daughter and stepdaughter might have a chance if they get help, because they see the pattern now.

I have done anger management workshops where I was the facilitator. Talked about how anger is a mask for fear, frustration, loss of control or hurt. The ask grows to become a door tat gets slammed in people's faces when one has had enough.

But yesterday that really hit home. Made me look in a mirror. That is me as well. I never had a chance to speak up in a way that would allow me to be heard. So I got angry. And I hurt people. Mostly though I hurt myself. I cannot bring back the friends that I lost (with some of them I am long since done) But perhaps I can take what I recognized and learn to express rather than explode.

[nats]

we also have a lot of issues with anger. there's just so much of it and it overflows sometimes. we spend a lot of time apologising for things we don't think we did wrong.

[The People]

I know. About the not recognizing we did something wrong. I have a right to be angry or they started it or... but I end up purging all over myself instead of facing the issue.

[nats]

we so often get this wrong - we have a right to our anger and to assert ourselves etc etc, but we usually seem to make things worse by trying to say anything.. sigh.

[The People]

I hear ya. The mother used to say "it is not what you say it is how you say it" during some of her more lucid moments. I think that, for us anyway, some present issues trigger past anger and that spews out by accident when we try to address something.

[nats]

yes, for us too. unfortunately, we often don't identify what the anger is attached to till later or never.