T-today

[Tangled Web]

I had T today. There was SO much to talk about and so much to say...........things inside are absolutely hell! And yet we just sat there at one point we even thought oh this is a mistake and left. We didn't leave but couldn't let her in either. Everything turned into containment-trying to keep everything contained inside. All hell is breaking loose and we are fighting to keep it ALL contained. God forbid we let anyone see any of it or try to get help with it!
Told her things were crumbling inside afraid of crashing and she wants to know what that would look like for us. Have no idea too busy trying to prevent that happening. She says she has faith in or system--that is the point....that is exactly what we want her to think. Why would we say anything to change her beliefs in our system? I am so frustrated. I don't know how to let people in when I know I want that so much right now but I can't seem to figure out how to it. All that keeps going through y mind is that we have to keep people as far away from us as possible right now........and even I know that means we will suffer with all of this alone even though I don't want to. I wanted her to try to help us..........I wanted to get some of this sh*t out of my head but no matter how much I wanted it -- it didn't happen so here I sit no better than off than when this day started.

[The People]

Crap. We wrote a whole blab about our thoughts on this. Hit a wrong button and "poof" the page closed.

One suggestion was making a list at home of things you would like to tell her. The 1 or 2 out of 20 things. When we went to school we were not expected to know times tables right away. We learned our numbers and letters first. Maybe T is the same for you. Starting with the smaller things and working up.

Also, what is T's line in the sand? What would you have to do to make her go away. Physical or mental abuse are examples as no T worth salt allows that to go on. But what else? Maybe nothing else.

There was more, my own example, but I am too tired now. Will share another time. Quite embarrassing actually and T still didn't fire us.

[mosaic]

it sounds like you are afraid that if you let your T see what is going on inside she will lose faith in the system.

is it possible that she has faith that you can weather this current (continuing?) storm?

i'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. I'm sitting with you if you would like.

[MakersDozn]

Adding our support. We struggle between the desire to keep people away and the need to have an outside support system. Some of us would be quite content to keep away from outside people altogether.

Hoping you can discuss your feelings and concerns with your T.

MDs

[The People]

I think this is part of why we quit T. We were just tired after 30 years of digging around and finding new dark corners in the closet. Some selves just do not want to share. They are happy where they are. There are some things we need to work out, like helping Two cope with the loss of kitty, but they are things that we need to work out on our own.

I am not saying that you should quit. We opened a lot of doors over the years and would have stayed in place if we hadn't done so. We just couldn't do it any more. I hope you can find a way to do it at your own pace. That is the thing that is important to remember. This is your journey. The T is your guide but you set the pace.