sad

[Silent Society]

My friend had a baby recently, her third. It has been about a week and a half since he showed up. I am having a really hard time with it. There are not big overwhelming feelings about this, just a complete lack of wanting to talk to her. This is my closest 3D friend and I really care about her. Our relationship was a complete surprise to me as I had withdrawn from everyone who was not absolutely necessary to interact with when I met her.
Because of all the bad stuff that happened when we were young, I was never able to have children. I have come to some level of peace about it but it is still a difficult subject. There are many reasons why it was best for us to not be able to have children, not the least of which that I would have f@#$#ed it up entirely because of the poor model for parenting that I had. Also, the only time that others from the inside have taken over is in medical situations. I can only imagine how difficult it would have been for us to tolerate childbirth. Also, I am just learning how to parent my inside ones and they still need SO much time and support. I know it is best we did not have children, but I am very sad.
I really dont know how to resolve this. She has called twice, but i have ignored the calls. I have no desire to listen to screaming children or anything about her life right now. She is super sensitive, always thinking she has done something to upset me, and I have no desire to deal with that either. Dont know how to resolve this. Just wanted to write about it.

[MakersDozn]

We're sorry that this is so painful for you.

If you're not up to calling her, can you send her a brief email? And follow up later when you're able?

Just a thought.

MDs

[Silent Society]

Thank you for the flower. Is appreciated.

[nats]

does she have any awareness/empathy for your reality that you don't have children b/c of difficult life circumstances and someone else's obvious abundance can be painful? we get very sensitive when seeing dual-parent families with ever more children - we don't hate them, just feel sad for what was never going to happen for us.. so, sending blue flowers..