Questions?

[Tangled Web]

I have been struggling with therapy lately. I have some questions and would really appreciate people's input.

Do you think it is necessary to feel some kind of connection with your T in order to do this work?
How do you get that connection?

How do people get there T to understand them? Or feel understood?

I feel like I am doing this wrong. Maybe I am expecting something that maybe I shouldn't. I don't feel that connection like I want to feel when I talk to my T and I don't understand why. I have tried to let her in but when I leave I just don't feel like she actually gets it. I don't think she understands. I don't feel understood and I don't know why. I know I am a very deep thinker and I lose her somewhere along the way, I think.........

I want to feel that connection. I want to feel like she cares and just gets me.........she says she cares and I know she wants to help us, but I don't FEEL it. I don't know to get there to that place anymore where I can feel those things. She has asked me what I need from her and we have tried to work past this but I don't know the answers to that. All I know is how I want to feel and how I don't feel. I don't know how to get there or what would help me feel like I had that connection. I have absolutely no idea at all.

So I am stuck. I don't know how to do this. I have tried to look at this from a more professional level and try to do T without having that connection..........like she has a job to do and it is her job to help me, that is what I am paying her for but that seems so cold. I don't know how to do it that way either. My mind goes blank and I have nothing to say. And I end up thinking well maybe I am just not ready to do this work. But when will I be ready if not now? I just don't see a way out of this.
So any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening
TW

[nats]

this sounds very much how things were with our old T. lovely lady, but never felt a connection like she understood us. felt like you describe. we hung in there for several years and did a lot of what most would consider superficial work, but never got to anything deep. just couldn't find the way. your advice to us then was maybe you need to change T. something you may want to consider is whether its you or whether it's T and therefore unlikely to change.

[Tangled Web]

I have this feeling it is me. something has changed and I can't figure out what or why. There is nothing there when I try so hard to figure it out........everything just goes blank.
TW

[nats]

going blank sounds like a stress response. are you stressed about something particular? why are you sure it's you?

[Tangled Web]

I guess I am stressed about actually being seen by her-meaning- that she will see who I really am and how I think and how I feel. Now I know that must sounds very contradictory because on one hand I want that but on the other hand it terrifies me. I feel it is me because she has tried so hard to understand me, but it is difficult to try to understand someone when they are unable to explain things. Hence the going blank thing.........it is like a revolving circle that doesn't stop spinning.
Does that make sense?
TW

[nats]

maybe more of you are worried about being seen than want to be seen. maybe she doesn't have the skills to get through that fear and lack of trust. is it possible to discuss inside what's going on?

[Tangled Web]

You have raised very good point nats........one I have been thinking about all day. I have stopped working with the insiders, actually it goes way beyond working with them,........I somehow got it into my mind that I didn't need them, that I needed to do this on my own so I built a wall separating us. If they didn't exist then they wouldn't be part of the problem right? I wasn't aware of the extent myself of what I was doing...............things are starting to make a little more sense now, maybe.............
thank you
TW