HATE HER

[Tangled Web]

I hate that freaking woman SO much I could just scream! I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER!!!!~!!!!
I have been struggling with internal issues lately ALOT and it has taken so much energy to just get through the day.
And then when I think I might be making some process in figuring some things out I get this email........right out of the f*ck*ng blue from the evil most wicked person in the world ever... THE MOTHER!
So I sent it back to her with no response. She is NOT computer literate so she would think it just bounced back to her. WELL she sends me another one only this time she gets nasty. Calling me a liar and telling me I destroyed the family and that everything is my fault and I have no idea what I lost.....and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Well that came in about 3 emails. So I didn't respond thinking she would give up but nope they just came coming. Then I had enough. You see in my family if you don't dispute what the person has said then they go on thinking they have won and they are right and you agree with them. WELL I just can't do that anymore. I was trying to respond with .....ummmm don't know......lets just say I didn't lash out like I wanted to. I can't stand by anymore and let her call me a liar or say anything and not defend myself. I spent the last 40 some odd years doing that and I can't do it anymore! And finally I wrote to her telling her not to email me anymore that it is just better if she stays in her neck of the woods and I will stay in mine. Well doesn't she turn that around and tells me she doesn't understand how I can be so HURTFUL towards her! Can YOU f*ck*ng BELIEVE THAT??????? ME being hurtful towards her!!!!!!! UN f*ck*ng BELIEVABLE!!!!!!! oh and then she says to me.....but she will still love ME!!!!!!!! and tells me NOT to respond. WELL I responded all right! Like I will ever give HER the last word on THAT ONE!!!!!!! I am just shaking my head. All I can do is shake my head. I am so f*ck*ng PISSED OFF! I just want scream but my head hurts so I am just shaking my head.
I know I shouldn't open up the emails that are sent by her but I am driven to. I can't explain it. It is just something I HAVE TO DO! She doesn't get to get away with what she does to us anymore. I f*ck*ng HATE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is the one who destroyed this so called family not me! She is the one who hung up on me and disowned me and then has the nerve to blame me for it. NO WAY! isn't happening anymore..............uuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggg

[nats]

guess she has a need to keep engaging on her terms. could you block her email and phone so you don't see them anymore? we'd be tempted to send one last email expressing pity for her and for the fact that she's unable to communicate in a responsible way thus we've chosen to end contact - but in reality that's just being mean and wouldn't recommend it .

[mosaic]

agree with nats - blocking her email and phone sounds like a good idea.

[MakersDozn]

Agreeing with nats and mosaic. Sorry you're going through this, TW.

MDs

[tweeter]

I am very much in agreement with the disconnect. And, somehow, to the degree possible, that should be done internally as well. Probably the best that can be expected of that is to come to terms with what you can, and not allow yourself to be compromised further. In other words, damage control, maybe for some time. Then, living for yourselves. It's not selfish. It's necessary. Wishing you the freedom that you need,
tweeter

[Tangled Web]

I think the best way to become free from her once and for all is to speak the truth. Let the secrets out and free ourselves from it ALL!
All OF IT.............................
Come to terms with it......
f*ck*n spoiler button doesn't work.............





The torture SHE inflicted

[tweeter]

(05-25-2014, 08:20 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: I think the best way to become free from her once and for all is to speak the truth. Let the secrets out and free ourselves from it ALL!
All OF IT.............................
Come to terms with it......
f*ck*n spoiler button doesn't work.............





The torture SHE inflicted

Okay. It's important to unload in such a way that you will achieve your goal of getting rid of a prison of secrecy, while assuring your safety. I hope that there are some here who can advise, have been thru the same thing. Not my territory.
tweeter

[MakersDozn]

Understanding the need to speak the truth. But for your own well-being, is there a way to speak the truth without dealing with her directly? Writing here? Blogging?

It's clear that she's toxic. And you deserve better than keeping this toxicity in your life.

Sending you peaceful thoughts, and strength as well.

MDs

[Tangled Web]

I am so sorry guys. Things have been a little crazy and I do appreciate your suggestions. I am safe. I am trying to regain control over things..........this has become quite a mess. I am sorry.
TW

[tweeter]

No need for an apology. You're okay. My concern is the same as that of MDs.
oh boy,
tweets

[nats]

hi TW, sorry it's such a horrible mess. please ignore if we're out of line, but sounds like you're still very much attached to wanting her to love and respect you - we only get really worked up when we feel devalued/disrespected by those whose opinions we care about. maybe it's different for you, but does sound like letting go of 'something' would be important.

when you mentioned speaking out, the first thing that came to mind is write down your story, the whole of it, anonymously somewhere that you can save it permanently (e.g. online Cloud storage). it's cathartic and it provides a permanent record somewhere outside of you. tell someone you trust where it is perhaps, but otherwise there's no need to share it unless you want to - but if you want to do something with it, it's there.. just a thought.

[MakersDozn]

Again agreeing with tweeter and nats. Continuing to send you peace and strength.

MDs

[Tangled Web]

Hi nats, MDS and tweeter.
We no longer want her love OR acceptance. Responding to her via email was taking a stand against her. That is all it was. Usually in the past we have just blindly taken whatever she dished out to us and would say nothing, or even apologized to her.........this time was different. Stirred a lot of things in us more than I was prepared for I guess. I needed her to know we were not going to back down or take back what was said or even feel bad it. I think she got the messages. She has stopped emailing. I guess writing out the stories shouldn't be such a threat anymore......don't know. All I know is that I lost control. Inside people were flying out all over the place and I had no control, thought I was going to go completely insane. Thankfully things have settled down a bit. I was able to go to work today.

One thing I know for sure without any doubt in my mind, detaching from that woman is definitely for the best as she is very toxic, like you said MDs. Thanks again for listening.

[nats]

hi TW,
it may feel like insanity and total loss of control, but it sounds from our distance as if you all are making solid decisions and doing the best you can in difficult circumstances. you can be proud of yourselves.