And the disease goes on

[The People]

For some reason I had the urge to try to find tidbits about nieces and nephews on the internet. One of the first ones I put in was my nephews name. Into the google search engine.

f*ck! He is my father all over again. Well I don't know if he has ever hurt his daughter but as I read stuff about him on a not nice web site it was like someone had written stuff about my male PU come back to life. He is a disgusting human being
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I know why. I saw what happened to him. I was going to tell his mother but I was 12ish and she was a yeller. terrified me. I wrote before about what his childhood was like. he spoke to his mother and she sent me the last of the photos she had of me from childhood Denial is a cement pond in Nova Scotia. This time I sent him an e-pamphlet and it described him to a T. I also told him that I could not help him as it was all I could do to help myself. That no matter what his mother said the things I said happened in the family from hell did happen. He could check with 2 other children of the PU if he did not believe me.

After I wrote him it hit me. I had been carrying this guilt around for 40 years. Guilt that I didn't help him or tell his mother. 40 years! The 'kid' is 44 now. Long past time he helped himself. He can use the information i sent or delete it and continue to be miserable. I do not feel good that things turned out this way for him but he has a choice in all of this.

[nats]

yes, he has a choice. all of us do though we often seem to forget it and spend years in comfortable misery. hope you are able to let go of some of that guilt now.

[The People]

Working on it. Part of me is angry because of the road he chose. I need to let that go as well.