Nights are really bad right now

[Cammy]

Lately as soon as the sun goes down my anxiety and panic potentials ignite. I dread the night. I dread the thought of trying to go to bed. I am a mess at night. Everyone is asleep and I feel isolated and alone in my terror and fear. At least the dogs are here. I am so stoic. No one would possibly guess how truly distressed I am. I can't reach out because it is hard for anyone to believe that anyone so calm could truly be in deep distress. All of my normal coping techniques are out-stripped by this. It really sucks. A saying keeps popping into my head - "To GET through it you have to GO through it".  I feel like my head is caught in a 12-step meeting or some sort of support chat group or something. It is SO bizarre. 

All I can do to get through this total insanity is to wait until I just collapse with fatigue, and then wait for the feeling of relief when the first rays of the sun start emerging in the east. Night brings out the worst in whatever it is we are going through whether it is a bad cold or a depression or anxiety. I just want this to stop. I am getting SO tired. I tried going on an anxiety chat room type thing and OMG what a joke that was. I wouldn't recommend it. I just have to hold on and hold on some more, like all of us do. There are times when I wish for just a few hours/days relief from all of this...oh boy, I guess I really must be tired.  Tomorrow is another day, and, thank goodness, another sunrise. While the sun is out, the terror fades to a tolerable level. I am EXHAUSTED.

[nats]

hi Igraine, so sorry you're struggling with this. is the fear worse if you're trying to sleep or if you're awake and trying to do something at night? if the former, do you have the sort of work flexibility that could let you try to get some of your sleep during the day and find ways to distract yourselves at night? it may not help at all, but was the first thing we thought of. we tell ourselves elaborate stories when we're trying to sleep, the further from reality the better..

[The People]

Hi Igraine. You are not alone in this being a rough time. We are living with friends right now and that helps, surprisingly. When we are alone we sleep with the TV on. We set the timer and it lulls us. Gives the brain something to focus on. All the professionals say this is unacceptable but our Ts accept it because we are not everybody else. We have also done what Nats describes. Making up elaborate stories. Wishing we could remember them in the morning I hope you find something that works for you.

[Cammy]

Thank you so much for your empathy and suggestions. We found out we have an infection and when we are physically ill we tend to become very vulnerable to anxiety and panic. Not sure why. As the antibiotics start to work, we begin to calm down bit by bit. I've never understood this about us, but we believe it stems back to childhood traumas involving a long term period of more than a year of believing we were dying after being told so by a very cruel individual.

Again, thank you for your comforting replies.

[nats]

it's also very natural to feel anxiety when you're ill/injured as your brain will recognise that you are less physically able to defend yourselves should the need arise. understandable. glad you're starting to feel better.

[The People]

We don't get sick much but on occasion we have stayed awake a whole night and the next day had bronchitis out of the blue or whatever. The mind and body do a dance all day and night. Hope you feel better soon.