Talking about your multiplicity

[nats]

for multiples, there seems to be a particular tension between talking and not talking about ourselves to non-multiples. it's about trust, but about a lot of other things as well. do your friends and/or family know about your multiplicity? who have you told in your daily life, if anyone, about being multiple? if no one, what stops you?

[mosaic]

back in the day right after we realized about being a we, we told a few people. when we told one of my sisters she said "that explains it!".

once we moved and started our career we haven't told anyone... well i take that back we told one person out here, and were fortunate that they were very accepting. but with our particular line of work we just don't feel safe telling anyone.

[nats]

odd isn't it, that multiplicity still feels so stigmatised despite the fact that so many of us function just as well if not better than most singletons. given the current immense popularity of LGBT identity politics and successful rights agenda when we consider reality that less than about 2% of the US population identifies as gay and about 0.3% as transgender, while probably 1% is multiple (don't have stats for other countries and the multi stat could be higher obviously, due to stigma and lack of recognition by services) it would seem that we stay hidden because of lack of effective advocacy and understanding not because there is anything inherently wrong with any of us.

[MakersDozn]

We often compare the struggle of multiples to the struggles of the LGBT community. We think about how things were for LGBT people 40 years ago, compared to the immense progress they've made during the past few years.

As a multiple system, it gives us some hope, but with caution. The internet has provided an unprecedented venue for multiples during the past 20 years or so, but we are still misunderstood by mainstream society, and most of us are in hiding.

For us specifically, we generally don't talk about our multiplicity. Of course, our T and our pdoc know. We've told our immediate family because none of them were abusers. And we've also told three close friends, but we never talk about it. People are too caught up in their own lives.

MDs

[cew]

I can't imagine how I'd even start to explain it.

I have shared with fewer than a handful of extremely close friends. They had a hard time comprehending. But they are committed to being friends so have not left us.

[The People]

In the beginning I think I told everyone. As time has gone on I came to see this as not so great. If I KNOW I can trust the person, if it is a clergy or really close friend (most of the few I now have already know) But if I had to do it again I would never open that door to so many people.

BTW FOO probably knows as my holier than thou sister was told before we pulled away for our own sanity. She was probably a town crier in another life.

[Cammy]

I am extremely hesitant to reveal my multiplicity. I have had too many experiences where so called mental health professionals have poo-pooed and invalidated my diagnosis, so I keep it quiet. My primary mental health care provider is a world leading expert in DID and trauma disorders and even she gets stigmatized for her work.

Oddly enough I recently married back in February. It never dawned on me to tell my fiancé about the multiplicity...I just didn't think to do it because for me it is not an issue, just like the beating of my heart is something that is a part of me, but I don't tell people "Hey, my heart is beating."  Funny thing is that it turns out my husband is also DID. No wonder he kept telling me that no one before in his life seemed to understand him as well as I did. I call that a match made in heaven. So as far as family and friends go, just my mom and my husband know. As far as anyone else is concerned I just don't discuss it. Too many people, professionals included, still don't understand this condition and subscribe to the stereotype that Hollywood has put forth. Once people find out, they treat you differently, and not in a positive way. For myself, silence on this subject seems the most prudent course.

[FreyasSpirit]

We have been completely open about our plurality, though we doubt many actually understand why we use plural pronouns. In the future, we are probably going to be much more cautious about revealing it to doctors based on recent experiences, but other than that we expect to continue to be completely open.

We switched to using plural pronouns a few days after we had another front for the first time while we were aware of it, including at work. Other than a single "I'm schizophrenic and so am I" joke, we have had no problems and have even met several plural beings at work.

[MakersDozn]

Igraine....A match made in heaven, indeed. Although we understand that there are some unique challenges that come when two multiples are in a close relationship.

FreyasSpirit....We're glad that you feel comfortable enough to be open with people, and that your experience has generally been positive.

MDs

[Caden]

I told my sister. She said, "all of a suddeneverything makes sense!"
I told my best friend, and she couldnt handle it and left me.

[MakersDozn]

Hi Caden,

We're sorry that your friend didn't understand. But we're glad that your sister is supportive.

MDs

[rainbows]

We tell no one anymore.
Not very good experience with telling persons before.
Good that you have had Good experiences with this.
from rainbows