Words as a gift

[The People]

While some of this might be MT my head is a mess.

Below I talked about my little sister from the program. She was not my first 'Little'. There was a sweet little girl before her that I also loved. Unfortunately her mother was a total nutcase and drunk, something I never knew for a while. She was very manipulative and as I was entering therapy I had to let go. Only I didn't talk to the child directly. I spoke to the case worker who spoke to the mother. I always felt guilty but how do you tell a child who is struggling so much that I, a grown up, (or so I thought) couldn't deal with a crazy mother? Little did I know that she was just a replica of my own?

In the spring I decided I would volunteer for the boys and girls club. Only they do the orientation with the two programs together. B&G plus BBBS. As they talked the process a lot of it was more about the rules around Bigs and Littles. I ended up feeling a lot of guilt that I was not prepared for. I had made so many mistakes. So I backed off for a while. I think that is when I tied to track down the first child. The one I abandoned. I kept contacting people on Facebook to see if they were related.

Yesterday I opened my computer to find a note from her younger sister who is also all grown up. She led me to LS who is now married with 2 kids of her own. One is quite ill.

I contacted the LS and her sister must have called her as she came online soon after that. I had a long chat with her. She had a hard life after she left too. Won't get into detail except for one thing she said "You were the only person who made me feel safe."

I feel like I found a piece of puzzle for this mashed up brain but don't know where to put it. To mean that much to someone? And to have her love me after all of these years? It is like finding a jewel in a box of Harry Potter's snot tasting jelly beans.

I made a difference. With both littles. And with some adults that I worked with too. Validation that my life has had worth. There are no words. I was exhausted for the rest of the day.

[nats]

that is truly wonderful People, but you already know that

there are so many ways that we affect other people, without even realising it.

[MakersDozn]

Wow. Very cool. Happy for you.

MDs

[The People]

Thanks. The only problem is that I keep thinking of her as that little girl while she is actually in her mid-thirties.